Follow The Cable

The angpow rite of passage.

2012-01-31T12:35:00.000+08:00

"These are all the angpows I received this year," I said to Willi this morning.

"What's an angpow?"

"A red packet that older people give to younger people. With money inside. Symbol of good fortune. It's a big part of Chinese New Year. And at store openings and weddings."

"Nice," he said.

"After I open them, I usually use them to make photo frame decorations," I went on, unprompted. "And my mum sometimes uses them to make paper fish decorations."

"I want an angpow," he said. And I laughed.

Life cycle of a 3M sponge.

2012-01-30T14:29:00.000+08:00

"This sponge feels weird," I remarked yesterday, on one of my occasional voluntary-dish-washing episodes.

"It's new," my mother replied.

"This sponge feels weird," I remarked again today, washing an extraordinary number of cups and bowls for a breakfast that only two people took part in.

"You say the same thing every time," my mother laughed.

This sponge, this 3M sponge, has been a rather unnoticed constant in my life. But yesterday, I think I started to realize that it's not the same sponge. It's not one sponge that lasted an unnatural 23 years, but a series of identical sponges that lived and died on the little balcony above the kitchen sink, dutifully serving the purpose of a 3M sponge's life cycle.

So today I say, "Hello sponge." And I'll try to notice when this little yellow-and-green sponge, now young and bouncy, soon to be ragged and old, chokes out its last soapy squeeze - and its successor takes its place and "feels weird" again.

Twenty four.

2012-01-26T22:55:00.001+08:00

We were riding the escalator up in silence on Friday when Carmen suddenly turned to me, as though the thought just occurred to her. And she said, "Wow. We're turning 24 this year. Can you believe it?"

At 18, I felt like I finally reached the age where my life was truly about to begin. At 21, I felt like I was finally legal, more of a grown-up than I had ever been. At almost 24, I feel old! I'm not where I always thought I would be by this age, but I guess that's life - unexpected, full of surprises.

When I was younger, I always thought that by the time I was 24, I'd have a career and climbing the corporate ladder. I thought I'd be living on my own in a quaint little apartment with a carb-packed fridge and a kitchen I never use, no longer the proverbial nerd still living with parents. I thought that by this age, I might be closer to my get-married-by-25, rather polyannish, goal. I never thought that I would still be a university student, still in that "studying" phase in life. Yeah, I suppose like most impractical dreamers, I thought I'd "have it all".

Instead, here I am, feeling rather barefoot while I wade my way tentatively through the murky river. Looking for graduate schools, looking for a research topic, trying not to let my shaky knees give way and get overwhelmed gulping unfiltered water into my mouth and nostrils. Knowing - or maybe, hoping more than knowing - that in less than two years, I will be somewhere in the United States of America and starting a new chapter in this wonderfully weird story called life.

I have friends from high school who are working/married/pregnant/mothers. And then there are those of us who are still in school, some finishing up their degrees, some doing their Masters or PhDs. If all goes well, I'm going to be 27 or 28 by the time I finish my Masters degree. And I'm hoping, praying, that after I get that Masters degree, I'll finally get to start on my career and family goals. I really want to have my own family, especially my own children who will smile big goofy smiles and love Harry Potter books as much as I do. And I really want to do that before I'm 30!

Water dragon.

2012-01-24T21:35:00.000+08:00

"Usually the weather is hot during Chinese New Year," I heard my mother say to my grandmother. "But this year, it's raining everyday."

And my grandmother answered as-a-matter-of-factly, "It's the year of the water dragon."

AWWA.

2012-01-17T17:53:00.000+08:00

I always have mixed feelings about Chinese New Year. Maybe it's because I'm not very close to my cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents. First of all, there's a language barrier stopping me from communicating comfortably with my relatives. And then there's what I call the Asian Weight & Wedding Attack (AWWA). I guess I don't look forward to annual family gatherings because I always get called fat (it hurts even if it's true!) and always get asked when am I getting hitched since I'm now at the "marriageable age".

So I think, with the looming AWWA, I've lost sight of the true meaning of Chinese New Year. Perhaps it means something different to each person, perhaps it means more to some than it does to others - but the one universal meaning of CNY is the importance of family. I'm starting to believe that, despite the gloominess of AWWA, if I can be reminded at least once a year to appreciate the sacrifices that family have made for each other, it's worth it.

Therefore I think the central relationships that are valued in CNY are the parent-child relationships, such as between my parents and my grandparents, and maybe also between my parents and their siblings ... perhaps there's a lot in life that they have been through together that I haven't learnt to appreciate the nuances of, because I don't have any siblings. CNY may be scary for me with AWWA, but maybe for my parents, it's a time for them to treat their parents to a nice meal in a restaurant. I hope that when I have my own family in the future, and my own career, I will not forget to appreciate my parents.

Today's blog post was inspired by this tear-jerking Pepsi & Lay's commercial below:

It goes like, "Pew! Pew!"

2012-01-15T14:54:00.003+08:00

"Wow, I printed so many pages about the GRE exam that my stapler ran out of bullets," I said to Willi.

"Bullets," he laughed. "Who you shooting?"

Spent the past week herding information about the GRE, playing ping-pong-email with grad schools across the USA, and playing with Fraps, Windows Movie Maker, Adobe Photoshop CS2 and soon, Camtasia and Adobe Premier Pro. :D

P.S: I still haven't gotten bored of Chilli's! I wonder if my friends are bored that I always wanna go there lol.

Something else I'll never get bored of... listening to Josh Groban and Charlotte Church sing. :)

Heartstrings.

2012-01-09T14:36:00.003+08:00

When I was little, I cried when Snow White died. And when Bambi's mother died. And this afternoon I cried when I latched on to an episode of Switched At Birth, a new series on telly that I'd never watched before, because some things just yank on your heartstrings. :(

The series is about two girls who were switched at birth and brought up in totally opposite environments - there's the wealthy family who got the dark-haired Bay, and the struggling single mother who got the deaf daughter Daphne. Their stories are linked closely together in the series because both families now live together - in the rich neighbourhood.

So this episode I watched - Episode 5, I think - contained a narrative about Bay and her (new) boyfriend Ty. Ty is from Daphne's old neighbourhood. The first part of the story has Bay's parents disapproving of Ty, or wary of him, but then while they were having that classic "boyfriend interrogation" dinner together - Ty, Bay, Bay's non-biological parents - it was revealed that Ty's enlisted for the army! To add to the melodrama, he's leaving on Thursday... and Bay didn't find out til then!

I cried because ... I think any woman can understand the heartache Bay was going through. She loves him, she wants to be with him, but he's leaving for the army and he's not going to change his mind ... so it's an inevitable goodbye, even if it's a goodbye-for-now. And then I cried more because Bay's parents were heartbroken to see their daughter hurting - her father asked her mother, "How do I protect her from a broken heart?" And I cried even harder when I saw Bay's mother in pain at watching Bay cry in her arms.

I don't know if my mum understood why I was sobbing loudly, "Mummy this show is SO SAD!"

I guess it's part and parcel of life to get our hearts broken, and imagine as parents how helpless they must feel to see their children's hearts get broken too. :(

On Episode 2 of Love Bites, there was a gay man whose father disapproved of his homosexuality. But then after getting to know his boyfriend and giving him blessing to propose to his son, the father of the gay man said at the proposal, "All a parent ever wants, is to see their kid happy. When I look at my son, I see Drew makes him happy. I am very proud and honoured to be a part of this day."

Given the universality of parenthood, I wonder if my parents feel the same way too. Does my mum worry about me and Willi, does my dad want to protect me from getting my heart broken? I wish they could know him like I do, wish they could see that even though he comes from a whole different part of the world and a whole different kind of upbringing, that he's a blessing, and he makes me happy. But I guess it's my fault, because I never gave my parents any chance to get to know him. I guess the biggest part of me is afraid that they'll disapprove, and another part of me doesn't want to jinx it, don't want to talk about it when we've only been together for five months, it's like trying to make a film about a butterfly on your fingertip.

I wish they could see that he's an amazingly responsible guy. He doesn't come from a privileged background - after high school, he went to work to put his sister through college. Then, he saved up money and is putting himself through college. He's turning 30 this year, and at an age where people usually settle for any paying job and just chug on with life, he sees the value of education and wants a better life, so he wants to get a degree and be a history teacher. He cooks, he cleans, he takes care of his friends when they're sick, he cares so much about his family, and he got a part-time job at a local store so he can save money for us to be together. He says that I'm a part of his future plans, and that working hard now and sacrificing now is for us in the future.

He's patient with me when I'm being unreasonable, and comforts me when I'm stressed out, and (tries to) talk sense into my head when I lose my marbles. He tells me not to torture myself with "what ifs", tries to get me to see things from my parents' perspective when I argue with them, tells me that my parents love me, that he loves me no matter what and that he'll support my decisions. He uses these collective terms like "we will get through this" and "our future", and doesn't make any promises he isn't sure he'll be able to keep. I wish my parents knew how easy it is for me to talk to Willi, how I feel like I don't have to hide anything, and I can completely be myself and know that it's okay. He believes honesty and openness in relationships are important, the "being-able-to-talk-about-anything" test. And when we have any problems (even with each other), we talk it out instead of keeping it bottled inside. I love that he's older, even if he's really only six years older than me, and I love that he has life experience.

I'm no expert on relationships, but I know when people are toxic and when people are good in our lives. And Willi, he's a really special guy, he's who I want and need. Sure, like most 21st century women, I'm going to have a lot of issues to deal with - paranoia about adultery, questioning fidelity, being selfish in any relationship, etc etc. I won't be a fool in using "But I love him!" as an answer to everything, because I know love alone really isn't enough - there's so much more to making a relationship work and last the long haul. But I always remind myself that if Willi and I can last the distance, knowing it will be years before we will be together, then when we are finally together, it'll be a relationship that is truly worth it. :)

And applying the philosophy of that father of the gay man in Love Bites ... if my parents don't see it right now, that's okay, because when they see that I'm happy with him, they'll be happy too. :D

The little train that could VS. the damsel in distress.

2012-01-08T23:25:00.005+08:00

Mulling over scattered thoughts in my head still hasn't shown any light on that Hallelujah! moment I seek. You know, that Hallelujah! moment of clarity where you know what you're going to do and how you're going to do it. In this case, I'm still pursuing the Hallelujah! for my Honours dissertation topic. For now, however, Dr Yeoh said I can just hand in what I've written - and we'll work it out later. I figure, when I get my access to the journal databases cleared, I'll be able to look up more academic literature on the subject of the blogosphere; and do a re-discovery of what I can work with.

So in the meantime before Honours term starts, I'm occupying myself making a little Microsoft Word document listing the important admissions information about the grad schools I'm eyeing, like what kind of requirements I need to meet and if their Masters degrees leave that door open for a PhD someday (something which only just occurred to me to double-check... and now I realise I've got to ask them clearly!). I kinda feel like, the more I look, the more questions I have, even if I'm reading the same webpage that I thought I read and understood before - but now I see things which I am unclear about - which makes me feel a little bit more stressed each time, but at least if I find out now - it's better than finding out too late. I mean, there's even the possibility that the Masters degree at my prima facie "dream grad school" Boston University may be a terminal one - which I'm waiting for their email replies to find out. The only way I can talk myself out of worry is to say... Better find out now than later, even if it's bad news.

It's hard not to feel those fleeting moments of regret, knowing that if I had started all this research after I finished my final exams over 6 months ago, I would be better prepared now. But my constantly torturing myself over "what ifs" - probably the worst flaw in my personality - is unhealthy, so I have to consciously push it out of my head. And look ahead, stay positive, stay strong.

After looking at just a few websites today my mind feels saturated already, and I'm struggling to fight that feeling of being overwhelmed. I guess sometimes stress in life is necessary. So I'm going to be spending the rest of the week doing this and perhaps looking up some more information about the GRE, in between some episodes of Love Bites and conversations with people I love. :)

Blogging on a daily basis, at least, is helping me keep my sanity. Words give a sort of tangible perspective, like a way to reason with myself to keep my head in the game, and my eyes on the prize. Blogging, I guess, is oddly comforting to me. Which is why I really do want to write my Honours dissertation about blogging - that one constant that's been a part of my life since I was 13 - but let's set aside the harrowing thought of "Coming Up With A Do-able Topic For My Honours Dissertation" for now, lest I overwhelm myself again!

Weiling showed me Charlie Chaplin's speech from The Great Dictator today, and I thought I'd share it here. :) My favourite passage is:

In the 17th Chapter of St Luke it is written: “the Kingdom of God is within man” – not one man nor a group of men, but in all men! In you! You, the people have the power – the power to create machines. The power to create happiness! You, the people, have the power to make this life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure.

And here's to spreading a little love everyday - check out the wedding video of two cool people I know from the bazaar scene. Some of you might recognise the bride as Lynda from Pink Tattoos! :)

Sukeats + Lynda from faz adhili on Vimeo.

And, um, because Weiling and I got started on these wedding videos, she showed me a whole website full of 'em - hahaha yes, girls really wanna get married! - and this is her favourite video, which I think is so beautiful. :)

Kevin + Erika Cinematic Portraiture Same day Edit Slideshow | "Property of Erika" from Paper Cranes Productions on Vimeo.

Bachelor of Crapology.

2012-01-08T01:53:00.001+08:00

Shang and I used to joke that in the School of A.S.S. (Arts and Social Sciences), we became experts in the art of Crapology. After curling repeatedly into a stress ball because reading dozens of articles about the Internet/cyberculture/social networking/blogs still hasn't helped me find a specific topic to write my Honours dissertation on, I decided to open up my Microsoft Word and just start typing.

So I typed 835 words - properly referenced and all! - and printed it out. Now I have my application stuff ready for Friday. Then I emailed Dr Yeoh - my Honours-supervisor-to-be - with a copy of my terrible proposal, and basically wailed for help.

Going to take a breather after three days of incessantly skimming articles on my laptop, wait for Dr Yeoh's reply, and sleep on it! All I know is that I want to write about blogs. Now the problem is finding a focus (first step - and the hardest step!), and then the academic theories to back it up into a piece of fine scholarly writing! I know that once I get these two steps done, everything will fall into place ... until then, I've got student's block. :(

The year that was.

2012-01-07T14:44:00.000+08:00

Today I'm finally throwing out my 2011 calendar. Flipping through the binder - yes, I'm one of those people who meticulously pen down all the appointments/outings/events into those one-box-per-day calendars! - a part of me feels like hoarding the calendar so I can hold on to a piece of the year that was. But the more practical part of me knows I should just blog it, so I can capture these numbers as long as this blog sits in its little cosy corner of the web.

In 2011 ...

I attended one wedding. Only one! My primary school teacher's son got married and she invited my family.
... and one bazaar. This is my record low since 2009! I think in 2010, I attended bazaars almost every weekend!
... and three birthday parties! :D Yeah, I'm a nerd, I don't go partying ... except for birthday parties. :) And one li'l birthday brunch just me and Mummy. :D
Hung out with An Nie 11 times, but only had one sleepover. We had a lot more sleepovers back in 2010. :) Fun times!
Spent 14 days in Colombo, Sri Lanka.
Spent 4 days in Las Vegas, USA.
Spent 9 days in Incheon, South Korea.
Spent a total of 17 days home alone!
Went shopping 24 times with Mummy or with Carmen, An Nie, Tse Mun, Shangari, Jenny, Shaza.
Spent 3 days in a multi-level marketing leadership seminar for my investigative journalism research.
Went to the cinema only once! Nasi Lemak 2.0 was the only movie I chose to pay to watch! :P
Attended one graduation - my own! :)
Fell in love with one Willi Spitalsky. :)

I hope that in 2012, I'll manage my time better! I hope to balance my work and play - do my work as well as spend time with my wonderful family and wonderful friends. :) My dad said that I must never be afraid of hard work, and that every problem has a solution.

Things that make you go bleargh.

2012-01-06T16:21:00.001+08:00

So, get this: I want to start my Masters degree in a U.S. grad school for the Fall 2013 intake. To do this, I'm required to take my Honours year, which I'll be doing at Monash University.

Okay, happy to do it.

Here's where an unexpected situation occurs: Honours results and official transcripts are released at unpredictable dates - it could be mid-December, end of December, even mid-January. There are Honours students from the 2011 cohort who still haven't received their results, and the first week of January is over already. It depends on the marking speed of your external examiners, and how far your thesis has to travel to get marked (it can be marked by international examiners).

But for the Fall 2013 intake, U.S. grad school application deadlines are as early as 15th December 2012 for some schools (University of Washington, University of Texas at Austin) and 1st January 2013 (University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill). Some universities have a 15th January 2013 deadline (University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign) and end of January for the rest (University of Southern California, University of Colorado at Boulder, Boston University).

While there isn't any way I can guarantee that I can meet the deadlines (especially the 15th December ones), I suppose there are some measures I can take:

Finish my Honours dissertation earlier - way before the deadline, and get it sent for marking by the end of October way before the holiday season begins. (Honours students usually ask for deadline extensions and submit their dissertations in December.)
Hope for local examiners instead of international ones - logically reducing postal time.
Ask shortlisted grad schools - I should have a shortlist by then of 5-10 schools - if I can submit my results when I receive them and send in everything else first (if unable to meet deadline).
At worst case scenario, only apply to the grad schools that I can actually make the deadlines for. Don't want to think about having my grad school plans postponed a whole year again (Fall 2014 intake?! Geez!) just because official transcripts can get in so late.

I wish things were simpler, wish I didn't feel like I have to do everything at the same time. Honours, GRE, TOEFL, essays, applications! Not a day goes by that life doesn't squeeze a lemon in your eye - or maybe this sourness is self-inflicted!

Yo-Yo.

2012-01-05T16:45:00.002+08:00

Maybe it's just becoming a pattern for me that I feel like crap at the start of everyday, and start to feeling better as the day progresses. Only two hours since my woe-is-me blog post have passed, and I'm already feeling lifted spirits! I called MACEE (although all the lady with the American accent told me is that I can ask all my questions at my appointment on 26th January), I spoke to Dr Andrew again ("I'm starting to panic! Do you think I can do Honours and GRE at the same time?!") to which he reassured me that I could, I've been speaking to some of my friends who did Honours to see how heavy the workload is (maybe it's not as bad as it's made out to be!), and I spoke to Cynthia's friend Cathryn who did her Masters at the Oklahoma State University and took another standardized exam called GMAT (for business grad schools).

Talking to more people about the grad school process helps a lot, and I guess at the start of each day my head is so filled with a hundred new questions I dreamt up overnight, and then as time passes I realise, for some reason, things are always painted to be much worse than they really are. Googling about the GRE and reading panicked comments in each blog-about-GRE-post kinda brought me down last night, I started at maybe 10pm and kept reading feverishly until like 3am ... guess I tap on to negative emotions too easily. :( Need to be more positive. Bleargh. Perpetual struggle.

Weak.

2012-01-05T14:38:00.002+08:00

It's hard not to wake up feeling terrified. And weak. Will I be able to handle Honours year and preparing all that needs to be done to apply for Masters in American universities, both at the same time?

There's the GRE exam, a whole lot of test prep (decisions to make like: what materials to use, self study or take classes too?), application essays (such an important part of the application process that I have no experience in doing), the paperwork (getting official transcripts sent, visa, test scores), other application things like videos and TOEFL and sending past samples of my work ... and needing to get good enough results in Honours and the GRE and write good essays to actually get accepted into these universities.

I'm terrified. I don't know if I can do it, but I haven't even tried yet. There's a lot of stress involved that I wish I could handle without being scared. Will there come a time later this year when I will stop being scared? This lack of confidence is weak, but the first step to overcoming it may be to admit it.

So far, only Boston University accepts my three-year Australian degree. The University of Southern California, University of Colorado at Boulder, University of Texas at Austin, University of Illinois and Urbana-Champaign and the University of Florida require what they call the "equivalent of a U.S. degree", which is a 4-year Australian degree or Honours degree. I'm still waiting for replies from Pennsylvania State University, University of Pittsburgh, Rutgers, University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, University of Minnesota, Purdue, Michigan State University, University of Washington, and Ohio State University. University of Hawaii wants a 4-year degree but doesn't require the GRE at all (which means Honours year without taking GRE!), but mum won't let me even consider going there. I wish the other grad schools didn't require GRE either, hahaha, but they do. :(

I shall never forsake thee, Academia.

2012-01-04T22:56:00.006+08:00

It's a strange feeling, starting to return to the world of academia. In starting to think about an Honours dissertation proposal, knowing tomorrow I will be combing through databases, I feel an eerie sense of excitement. There's nothing that can quite describe the feeling of thumbing through well-worn pages of library books - although everything is in .pdf files now, at least we may have some printed readings or textbooks every now and then - or the hungry digestion of fascinating communication and cultural theory.

I've said this before and I'll say it again, there is immense beauty in the written word. Mathematics and sciences may not be my forte, but theory I can attempt to learn. I may not be able to identify a sparkplug or change my car tyres, but I will revel in academic theories. If I can wrap the loose grains of my mind around a theory, the grip becomes firm and paradoxically tangible - something clicks, and I feel that small but satisfying sense of achievement.

I am not the best student, I am not the brightest mind, I am not a genius theorist, I still struggle and I have to work very hard, harder than someone watching a work-in-progress could even begin to appreciate - but I enjoy academia as much as I enjoy reading, writing, exploring creative ideas and entrepreneurship experiences.

While I think there's more to life that I want to do, I will never forsake my faithful friend, Academia. Our destinies are weaved together for a part of my life still, and learning - even if it's learning from books and articles - is always something to be embraced.

Perhaps someday I will be a lecturer in a university, trying to make sense of these same theories to befuddled students - as they scratch their heads and wonder when in the world will these crazy theories ever be useful in their lives, I'll smile to myself because I know that learning is useful in itself - learning teaches humility. Or maybe I won't be a teacher, armed with a Masters degree I could join the corporate world, whether MNCs or small companies - and there is the possibility that I will discover a new passion in life, that I could revel in the dizzying workforce, so fascinating and full of things to learn. Que Sera Sera, whatever will be, will be.

P.S: GRE exam looking like it's going to be the hardest exam I will ever take so far. Seeing as I'm not in talks with any official GRE classes or materials yet, just surfing the Internet and blogs and the myriad of strange resources like Cliffsnotes and trying to get a clearer idea slowly so I won't feel so overwhelmed/panicked after a while. Hopefully. Lol.

Two thousand and [twelve paragraphs].

2012-01-01T23:59:00.062+08:00

What pops into your head when someone exclaims, "Happy New Year!"? Is it fireworks, imaginary glasses of bubbly clinking together - even if wineglasses don't quite *clink* as loudly in reality as they do in movies, resolutions to quit drinking/smoking/binge-eating, nostalgia about the year that has gone by, hopes and dreams for the coming year?

At midnight, I watched the PJ/KL fireworks from my mother's bedroom window, and the fireworks from all over the world on CNN about 12 hours later. When I was younger, I used to always grab a book to read at midnight - about 11.55pm til 12.05am - because my friends told me that what we do at midnight represents what we're going to be doing for the rest of the year. And at the time, the key was to study - study at midnight, and you will study all year long! Hahaha.

Different people have different traditions, of course. One of my best friends does jumping jacks at the stroke of midnight every new year because she believes she'll grow a little bit taller if she wishes - and stretches! - hard enough at the magical minute.

This time, 2012 starts for me with uncertainty. Yes, the word that's keeping the butterflies a-flutter in my stomach - uncertainty. As people, and especially if you, like me, lean toward the more control-freak category of people, we take comfort in what we know for sure. It sounds weak, but the truth is that what we don't know, scares us. It scares me, anyway.

As much as I want to come across as confident, self-assured and strong enough to take on any challenge that could be on my journey in life, a part of me feels like the little girl who got lost in the shopping mall after wandering in the wrong direction. When you're five years old in a small neighbourhood mall, strangers bump into you and take you to the information counter. You write your mother's name on a scrap of paper with a ballpoint pen, and the staff read her name into the speakerphone until your mother comes and gets you. Yeah. When you're a little girl, someone else always comes to save the day. You are taken care of, and you don't make your own decisions.

But when you're grown up - or in my case, 23 years old, because I can't be so bold as to call myself grown up yet since I'm a growing-up work-in-progress - nobody can save the day. You make your own decisions, and you live with the consequences of your decisions - whether you like them or not. You may have your family and friends to support you, but ultimately what you do is up to you - if you do nothing, nothing gets done.

So as part of traditional new year's resolutions - there's a conformist in all of us! - I resolve to make informed decisions. Even if I am terrified of the "what ifs" and unpredictable consequences, I will make informed decisions to take action - because this, I think, is an essential part of growing up.

When I receive the replies from universities in USA and see how many accept my three-year degree and don't require a four-year Australian degree, I will decide if I will do an Honours year at Monash University, Sunway Campus. If I decide to take an Honours year, I will make an informed decision on and with a supervisor. If I decide not to take the Honours year, I will find a job that will give me the kind of working experience I am looking for - one year well spent into growing myself as a person out of the cushiony confines of the ivory tower.

At the same time, I will decide what needs to be done in order to take my GRE (Graduate Record Examination) this year. I will decide what materials I need to use, possible courses of study I may need to undertake, and I will decide to do whatever I can to achieve the scores I need. I will decide on which graduate schools in USA to apply to for the Fall 2013 intake. I will decide what I need to do to make my applications the best I can, and I will do it. I will make informed decisions based on advice from MACEE, lecturers, my parents and people I know, and the Internet (forums can be so helpful).

So, of course I am scared, because everything is uncertain, and I am not yet able to be fully informed. In my pursuit of information, I'm also struggling with the feeling of being overwhelmed. I feel like I am under tremendous pressure - there's a lot to be done, I don't know if I can do it, and most of the time I don't know how to get it done or how to do what I need to do. On top of having to make decisions on Honours/work/which grad school/how to prepare for GRE (and maybe even TOEFL), all graduate schools require application essays, samples of past work, recommendation letters, transcripts that are bound to take a lot of time to get delivered, everything needs to be in individual sealed envelopes, Boston University even wants a three-minute video of me in my application (but I really love the program at BU, and will definitely apply there).

Of course I am scared. I'm a terrified 23-year-old, because life suddenly isn't divided into semesters anymore, and I don't have assignment deadlines assigned to me by the Faculty of Arts and examination dates set by a university. I don't even have a GRE exam date, because I'm supposed to choose my own exam dates. I wake up every morning feeling stressed, like I can't have peace of mind, and I wonder when this feeling will go away.

The only thing certain is this - I have a goal: I will do my Master's degree in USA for the Fall 2013 intake. I will pursue this goal, and I will do everything in my power to fulfil it. I feel like, in pursuing this goal and then attaining it, I will have the chance to do a lot of growing up as well. This is a challenging road, but I believe I can do it. Yes, I can! Happy New Year, everyone! :)

Frictionless sharing.

2011-12-27T16:36:00.002+08:00

This is the age of "frictionless sharing" - a fascinating concept highlighted in this article.

Also loving this quote from TED, and I particularly like Schulz's idea about "Control-Z culture":

"So if, in fact, you want to live a life free of regret, there is an option open to you. It's called a lobotomy. But if you want to be fully functional and fully human and fully humane, I think you need to learn to live, not without regret, but with it." -Kathryn Schulz, "Don't Regret Regret"

Also thinking about joining an NGO for work experience over the next 1.5 years. :D Looking at projects like Evelyn.com and videos like this.

"If all you can do is crawl, start crawling." - Rumi

2011-12-24T13:12:00.002+08:00

I started working out again yesterday - twenty minutes on the treadmill, a miniscule achievement by the standards of most of the health-conscious people I know, but a personal achievement nonetheless. I called my father's cousin, who went to grad school in the U.S. to have a chat about his experience.

And today, I woke up plagued by regret - regret of my behaviour in the past year, thinking I knew all I needed to know, thinking I was so capable and invincible, my sour ingratitute to my parents - how could I be so cruel and incompassionate and blind, eyes wide open but not seeing how much they love me.

It reminded me of a small incident I always regretted for years - when I was about ten years old, my mother called me downstairs to watch Dragon Ball. I proceeded to snap at her and exclaim how much I didn't like Dragon Ball at all. Temperamental child, and stormed back up the stairs off to read whatever Sweet Valley or Enid Blyton book I was probably immersed in at the time. Years later, I found myself thinking back to that time, and how much I regretted snapping at her - all she wanted was to let her little girl watch a cartoon she thought the child might like.

And I don't know why it took me this long to realize, and I fear I may forget - but hopefully I will have the strength in me to remember - all our parents want is the best for us. Even if they may nag, even if we may disagree, even if it seems irrational and unreasonable and overprotective and not what we think we want, even if they aren't always right - they mean well.

At breakfast I kissed my mother and said I'm sorry, for how I've been the past year. She said it's okay - it's time to grow up.

Marta Davidovich Ockuly said, "Baby step by baby step, you have what you need right now to start moving in the direction of your happiest dreams."

One step at a time.

2011-12-23T11:35:00.003+08:00

I've always had trouble coping with anxiety and stress, but while I've gotten better at it - there's still much room for improvement. Some articles that I find helpful to start taking on board, especially with the new challenges ahead in my life:

And I found a video that people from the same high school as me made. :D Eventhough it makes me feel ancient being part of the Form 5 class of 2005, lol - but brings back fond memories too. :) SMKDJ really was my second home for 5 years, 2001 until 2005!

Another video that's a must-watch - Timothy Tiah (founder of Nuffnang) proposes to his girlfriend Audrey using memes. Haha!

Finally sat myself down to watch the famous video of Steve Jobs' speech at Stanford, which I find really inspiring:

And now starting to watch Bill Gates' speech at Harvard also, lol:

Note that Bill Gates' speech is split into several videos, which you will find linked to the first. :) Enjoy!

The yellow brick road.

2011-12-21T17:09:00.007+08:00

Some useful links I want to keep tabs on, but my web browser is exploding in the past 72 hours of research:
1. 5 steps to grad school in USA
2. Grad schools for PR in USA
3. Malaysian-American Commission on Educational Exchange
4. Forums (Lowyat.com, Recom.org)
5. Graduate Record Examination (GRE) - US News, GRE testing
6. Applying to Grad School (US News)
7. GradSchools.com. PHDs.org
8. 10 steps for thinking about graduate school
9. Interesting article to note about teaching in academia later
10. Stanford tips on grad school prep
11. Top universities in USA: http://colleges.usnews.rankingsandreviews.com/best-colleges/rankings/national-universities/spp+50
12. Times Higher Education ranking
13. Sample Master's degree thesis from MIT: download PDF files here
14. How to study in the States

Undertaking this chapter in my education, I think it will be interesting to document the process on this blog so I can look back on it later.

Currently, I'm feeling terrified. The more information I unearth, the more unprepared I feel. The Graduate Record Examination (GRE) for graduate studies in USA, statement of purpose, essays or videos I may have to prepare for application, letters of reference, possibly TOEFL or IELTS exam, eventual possible admission interviews, campus tours, figuring out what I really want to do a Master's degree (and thesis) in - and even finding good universities that offer a Master's degree in mass comm/communication/journalism/public relations/advertising - it's all so daunting. The thought of relocating to a completely different country - whether it's USA or Australia - also makes me feel all the more unprepared. I've also missed the deadline for Fall 2012 intake, which means I either have to rush applications - but I can't rush myself for standardized testing or I'll be so unprepared - and am starting to get the feeling that this "grad school process" takes at least a year just preparing to apply!

With this I realise that I wasted the last 6 months of my life just chilling after finishing my final exams, thinking I had all the time in the world to "go do Master's in USA next year" - procrastinating what was difficult and daunting and not wanting to face the biggest challenge in my life so far. But there's no use in regretting what mistakes I've made in the past, I can only look forward and try not to make the same mistake again.

I take comfort in my parents supporting me despite totally screwing up the last half a year accomplishing nothing - haha trust me, I got the scolding I deserved - and knowing that if I really can only start my postgrad studies in August 2013, I can make the most of the next 18 months I have in Malaysia to gain some invaluable working experience and become more independent.

It's hard to stay positive when I'm feeling stressed out but I know it's of the utmost importance to learn to handle this pressure and take it one step at a time.

Be happy.

2011-12-15T23:26:00.001+08:00

In spite of current tribulations and future concerns, I think it's important that we remember to feel good about successes we've achieved in life - even if it's from the past. :)

Best Student Award Ceremony, 15th December 2011

P.S: Thanks to Sushikins, I have a clearer idea about the employability in fields I want to do further studies in! :D

Ball.

2011-12-14T23:06:00.002+08:00

Time to get the ball rolling. End goal: Applying to graduate schools and getting into one.

Just wanna breathe again.

2011-09-22T13:59:00.001+08:00

Trapped.

2011-09-04T14:02:00.002+08:00

These creatures are so strange. They spend eternities lifting you up on material-emotional pedestals and then they weigh you down with the baggage you take from their tears, their hopes, their dreams, their expectations, the projections of what-ifs that flicker on the slideshows in quiet rooms with no walls, no floor tiles, just blank darkness.

These creatures are crayon-coloured chameleons whose colours grow intense and blinding and hot on sandpaper, you touch it and it sears your fragile fingertips, while you wish you could soften the edges of these distorted images with watercolour paint. These creatures shackle your soul, haunting your thoughts in the lonely echoes of your solitude - filling the waiting heart inside you with sloshing liquid that drowns you with heartache and tears.

These creatures see you through their eyes, while you look back through yours - and you see the world differently, different worlds parallel to each other in different universes that sit side by side but a whole prayer away - and these creatures, so strange, speak in different languages with flaming words that you see scorched into your irises when you stare at yourself in the mirror and see the creatures within.

These creatures haunt us, binding us into the inalienable forms of other creatures, planting seeds of doubt and inferiority that scar us for the eternities our mortality recognises, and you know this as you hush the spirit within your soul to be silent, be still, hide herself for the creatures to pass - the more power you give these creatures the more you stand to lose in war - and someday she will no longer be trapped within the confines of your soul.

Mask.

2011-09-03T15:25:00.002+08:00

I see you, Mask. This mask we wear, these hollowed-out eyes and painted smiles, this nose that breathes air that is far too heavy for human lungs - this mask we wear over our internal pain so the world stays oblivious to it. Mask you exist knowing the world doesn't care, we are little specks in the universe that barely make a difference to the wheels of life.

Listen carefully, I can hear the wheels chugging, clogs moving, the feet of our souls tiptoeing past true feelings - hoping if it is quiet enough then these Feelings won't hear those footsteps and won't whirl all around and drown us, drag us down to face our worst enemies... our Flaws.

I know I am wrong. I know school-time moral textbooks would dictate me to be filial, to obey, to humble myself and let it go, give in, forget my bullish pride, forget my real feelings and tolerate, compromise - and yet this stubbornly Flawed human in me makes me want to grit my teeth and refuse to give up, even if for a little while and even if I regret it later - and I think to myself, how unreasonable this face is beneath this Mask I show the world, how flawed, how selfish, how undisputably wrong - but this Mask over a Mask keeps me from drowning.

Mask, I see you as I listen to the bad Karaoke singing in the playground at the wedding that I didn't want to go to because it was too hot, and feel the throb in my head and my swollen eyes from having been fighting with my poor mother all afternoon, and the pain of having hurt the feelings of her whom I love so much and the pride that stops me from admitting I was wrong, and wishing it was eleven o'clock and not half past three when I ruined a day that once had a chance of being good.

I see you, Mask.

Friday night.

2011-09-03T01:24:00.003+08:00

I'm listening to Willi's gentle snoring, as he hugs his blue shark in bed. Not a pillow, just a blue soft toy shark. He breathes dreamlessly, effortlessly, and I'm watching him on Skype like a rerun of Friends that I don't want to see the credits rolling for. The sun is up in Hawaii, while it's midnight here in Malaysia. Video chat meant I could hear the crickets in Hilo for the first time tonight, he could hear the squeaky chair in my bedroom - and I think to myself that it's so amazing that our paths crossed in this endless world and time stopped for two heartbeats long enough for us to fall in love.

As the sunlight paints a triangle on the side of his face, I remember how utterly afraid I was to dip my toes in this pool of water I couldn't see past the surface of - this long-distance relationship. I remember the pain of realising how much we could connect with each other, how much he understood me, how he wasn't like just any guy, and at the same time knowing the distance between us meant there would be such a challenging road ahead.

But this man - and his strength - intrigues me, inspires me, makes me smile, makes me want to be a better person. He said, "A little bit of sacrifice now for a future of happiness, to me, is worth it." Being with him makes me start to believe in love again, to open my heart enough to give happiness a fighting chance - and not condemning romance to be a frivolous exercise propagated by fairy tales and commercialised pop culture. If everything happens for a reason, if paths cross against all odds - if technology could bring together a 29-year-old Hawaiian island boy and a 23-year-old Malaysian suburban girl - I'd like to see the rest of the journey the vehicle of life wants to take us, instead of force-jumping out of the car and trying to fight against fate.

So here goes nothing - dear blog, meet Willi. :)

Clay.

2011-08-29T02:46:00.002+08:00

I am not your moulding clay. These oven chains, they burn my wrists, they burn me up inside with a rageous fire that cannot be quelled by temporary splashes of fruitless wine - gone as soon as the wind blows and this fire still remains. I am not your wide-eyed paper doll, blank and white to be filled with strokes of blue and pink and violet hues - I am already twenty-two years painted with scarlet red from every time I heard him raise his voice at you and murky brown every time I was told I was not good enough, not nearly resembling the picture of perfection that this angry, purple-coloured world demands. I am an aquamarine teardrop that rolls down a sorrowed face and trickles down to the corners of a mouth turned down - helpless and desolate and knowing this teardrop needs to be saved by the knuckle of a finger that will wipe it away.

Hey, Cloud.

2011-08-19T15:59:00.001+08:00

You feel like a cloud in my hand. So delicate, this whisper of a promise, this secret of a dream. You wrap all around me, this cloud, lifting me up in baby blue puffs, and make me feel like I'm floating. :)

Rise.

2011-07-31T17:47:00.002+08:00

Kaleidoscope.

2011-07-30T15:57:00.001+08:00

Sometimes it's hard to decide which way to look at something, or someone, or something you had with someone. There doesn't seem to be any one way to see it - good, bad, happy, sad - every experience is painted with a kaleidoscope of hues. Dancing patterns, mirrored motifs, and swirling emotions that go round and round and up and down and dissipate into multicoloured nothingness.

Miho wants to send me a song a day lol and this was today's one. Wonder where she finds these songs I've never heard of before. :D

And another song she showed me was this - and the line "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger". :)

Expectations.

2011-07-10T18:02:00.002+08:00

Awww. I'm unhappy with my exam results this time. :( I was expecting low HDs because that has been my trend with these two lecturers, but while journalism met those estimates - I tanked Media Audiences and got a ghastly 75. It singlehandedly brought down my GPA with that luminous "D" ... to be honest, it doesn't stand for Distinction, it stands for Damage. :(

Then again, it's my own damn fault for having such high expectations. Media Audiences is an effing ballbuster. I don't understand how Shang and I got HDs for our major assignment, then ended up with Ds for the overall when all that was left were 10% Online Discussion (which many regard as bonus marks) and a 40% for exam (which we slaved our butts off for). I wanna know what the correct answers are, since the results indicate I got them very wrong.

Why I'm upset:

Me: 75/100 - 42/50 = 33/50 <--- means I did very badly in the exam and/or online postings.

Shang: 78/100 - 46/50 = 32/50

Mandy: 72/100 - 41/50 = 31/50

Perhaps to have a response like "Aww, I didn't get all HDs this time..." is the reaction of a spoiled child, pampered by overconfidence and doting adults. My dad said to me, "Wouldn't other people be happy with those results?" and pointed out that I graduated ... lol. But this spoiled child still has a tear rolling down her cheek and no mood to celebrate tonight. She has been humbled.

Just cry.

2011-07-02T02:56:00.001+08:00

I don't know why, but every now and then, we need a good cry. When there are too many uncertainties and so much confusion, when we're filled with doubt and self-contradictions... when you just need to laugh or cry to let it all out...

Or laugh ... lol.

Escapism. Where art thou?

2011-06-25T17:45:00.006+08:00

Sometimes I don't feel like ever going to sleep, and other times I don't feel like ever waking up. The conundrum of wanting to do everything and wanting to do nothing... being both exhausted and excited... patient and impatient.

Looking at the 542 unread emails in my YSK inbox and knowing the number will just keep climbing everyday, knowing I should answer the emails but yet not pushing myself to start. Knowing I should start writing reviews again, to start surfing blogshops again to update myself on the latest stocks and market prices... to answer Cynthia on her endless string of eager business proposals... knowing it's my responsibility to take the lead again on my own enterprise, but being so damn lazy and tired of a cycle of endless deadlines - jumping from assignment deadlines and exam mugging straight into a whirlwind of YSK deadlines looks so unappealing, I can't push myself to start.

At the same time I'm researching postgraduate options, but finding myself frustrated at unreasonable things like Monash not offering scholarships for Masters degrees. Haiz. California is a nice choice only insofar as pursuing that polyannic American dream - I'd rather go to Singapore where the culture is somewhat similar and the merit-based opportunities are a lot better. But my parents seem so set on the U.S. of A that six months from now I will probably be there instead of here ... they are already handling Visa applications. I'd say fml, but it doesn't feel like my own to start with.

The whole situation is lighting a fire under my butt, and Monash isn't going to reply my email over the weekend. I have to constantly remind myself to take it a day at a time or totally lose sense of direction - which, as we all know, isn't very good in the first place. :P

So today, I will organise my room. I resolve to start YSK work on Monday, 9-5! Lol! I'm not gonna look up universities again until Tuesday, cos I feel super anti- right now so everything looks unappealing. -_- And everybody PLEASE STOP ASKING ME WHAT MY PLANS ARE, because I'm tired of saying, "I dunno. Lol."

At least there's a nice house party with good friends tomorrow to take my mind off things. :D

Here are snapshots from the past post-exam week - been meeting up with my much-missed BFFs one by one and, of course, shopping! :D Although I'm pretty bummed that I missed Chic Pop today. :(

That last paper.

2011-06-20T16:54:00.002+08:00

Today was it. That last exam paper to sit for, those eight handwritten pages that were the end-product of hours of cold sweat and held-back tears of panic, the regurgitation of effectsreceptionusesandgratifications theories that I will never need to apply in any foreseeable day job ...

But this was my routine, my careful preparation - followed by sleepless cramming - before every exam for the past six semesters, i.e. the past three years of my life.

Not many know that this simple act of finishing "that last paper" means more to me than the regular undergraduate - you see, this is my second attempt at a university degree. :) After dropping out of law school, I began to fear if I had it in me - was there something inherently wrong with me, inside, that would render me incapable of finishing anything? What if there was a psychological "quitter" pattern hardwired into me? Forget the Electra Complex, did I have a Quitter Complex?

So I'm glad I finished my exam today. :) I didn't quit this degree - on the contrary, I finished it - and this means a lot to me! :D

Rene and I roflmaoed in the car on the way back from Monash, and I took this picture to remember today by (see how pretty the sky is!):

And I'll have this on my Facebook to remember the hours counting down to that last paper:

Now that exams are over, let the R&R and nonstop celebrations begin! Hehehe! And I gotta catch up on my YSK work - time to rebuild and expand my pet project! And I wanna do a sleep experiment - see what happens if I don't sleep at all for 48-72 hours, lol!

Smartphone bashing.

2011-06-19T01:24:00.001+08:00

LOL. The Datin indulged in some healthy smartphone bashing before going to sleep tonight. XD

Hahahahaha champion!

That girl.

2011-06-17T14:16:00.001+08:00

I'm that girl who can never remember directions. I'm that girl who walks around with both eyes open and both eyes closed. I'm that girl who can't figure out how to turn on the stove. I'm that girl who accidentally sent her mum's sewing machine up in smoke (and wasn't allowed to touch it again). I'm that girl with that one wonky tooth. I'm that girl who trips over her dresses. I'm that girl who loses her temper and says things she doesn't mean. I'm that girl who loves making friends. I'm that girl who isn't good at keeping friends. I'm that girl on auto-smile so she doesn't trouble the world with her worries. I'm that girl who laughs when she doesn't know what to say. I'm that girl who seesaws between being the life of a party and the wallflower who befriends the maid. I'm that girl who knows she's selfish, even if others call her selfless. I'm that girl with words in her head always, even if they never leave her lips. I'm that girl who sometimes doesn't feel like doing anything but be lazy. I'm that girl who wishes she could rest on her laurels, but knows she can't. I'm that girl who struggles to sleep, but sometimes struggles to wake up. I'm that girl who is so immersed in her own head, she hates this self-absorption. I'm that girl who wants to show you she cares, she does, but doesn't know how to. I'm that girl who has never been invisible, and knows she's lying to herself when she says she wants to be. I'm that girl who gets lonely but wants to be alone. I'm that girl who is a different girl around different people. I'm that girl who is tired of doubting others, but can't bring herself to take leaps of faith. I'm that girl who hasn't quite found that balance between confidence and insecurity. I'm that girl you can bring down with your words, because she'll never take it outside. I'm that girl who feels like nobody really knows her, especially when she doesn't really know herself.

Blogging helps make things clearer. :)

This is the way, uh-huh uh-huh.

2011-06-17T13:38:00.003+08:00

I have a new armchair principle: good girls are the sometimes-rebel girls.

If we know something is probably gonna lead to heartbreak, why do we do it anyway? If we know this isn't the "right" thing to do, that if others would frown on it if they knew, why do we do it anyway? If we know we should resist, why don't we feel ourselves even remotely putting up a fight?

Just like you ... we have our "Screw it. Life is short!" moments too. :)

She couldn't decide: laugh, cry, or sing?

2011-06-16T21:01:00.000+08:00

My resident Datin has been emo as heck! Lol I hope she'll be okay soon~ In case she peeps here:

I want to remember.

2011-06-15T18:07:00.002+08:00

I want to remember today. It wasn't any special day, where anything extraordinary happened, but this may be the last time that this day is what I once knew as ordinary.

Today, I handed in my last undergraduate assignments.

I want to remember how laborious these journalism assignments were - from brainstorming for solid story ideas that can be supported not only with strong interviews but also strong research, to conducting those interviews and actually writing the stories. I want to remember what a challenge it is to analyse every sentence a source says, and to have to be ruthless in selecting quotes for my stories.

I want to remember that wretched adrenaline rush every ~~procrastinator~~ university student gets as he/she looks at the clock, looks at the half-done document in front, and grinds out each word until momentum (finally!) builds and distractions lie forgotten.

I want to remember what a pain in the ass it is to finish your assignment only to realise your printer isn't working. Or it's run out of ink. Or you've finally printed out 20 pages of a research piece and stapled it, only to find a typo gnaw at your eyes on page 1.

I want to remember that desperate feeling of battling the seductive lure of sleep when it's 7am and your butt is numb on the swindly chair, your fingers clacking away at your laptop.

I want to remember how looming deadlines go hand-in-hand with flurries of Facebook status message updates complaining about how we're all struggling to meet our deadlines. Followed by another fifteen minutes of commenting on each other's status messages about how there never seems to be enough time to get our work done.

I want to remember that feeling today as I sat in my car, listening to sappy love songs on the radio and replying text messages while waiting for the rain to stop. I want to remember that moment when I realised I had left that embarrassing (yet obviously necessary) Hello Kitty umbrella in my orange Kipling, when all I had with me was my tiny floral chained bag that couldn't fit a Doraemon magic object if it tried.

I remember noticing things about my six-year-old Myvi that I never quite noticed before ... like how the shadow of raindrops do pixie dances on my dashboard, or that my gear panel has "2" and "L" that I never used before. I want to remember how I wondered what they're there for ... but being too damned lazy to Google it, even now as I'm blogging about it. XD

I want to remember that slight self-conscious feeling of knowing my denim dress hangs an inch above my ankles as I walk into campus to hand in my assignments after the rain finally stopped. I know I'm an inch too tall for the dress, but I wear it anyway - and I wonder if I can get away with "I'll wear this anyway" when I'm no longer a student, but someone's employee.

I want to remember the always-awkward feeling of entering a lift when there are others inside, but nobody is saying anything to each other. I want to remember that the boy on the right smelled like McDonald's french fries, and the one on the left smelled faintly of cigarettes.

I want to remember that as the lift climbed up the floors and french fries and cigarettes left, a janitor lady walked in pulling a big green recycling bin on wheels. I want to remember smiling at her, and how she smiled back.

I want to remember how I wondered what her life is like, what her family is like, where she came from, what her name is. But I never asked, I just let the thoughts run through my mind in the ten seconds before I reached the sixth floor and handed in 44 pages of assignments.

Addict.

2011-06-14T16:55:00.008+08:00

I'm glad I never tried drugs, because I get addicted extraordinarily regularly. Paradox, I know. Why do I never get addicted to studying? Hahahahaha!

La la la ~ This is the sort of love to get addicted to ~

Okay. I'm gonna go get addicted to the last bits of my assignments and then go get high on exam preparation. LOL. Kids, do try this at home!

Here's a pic that always makes me smile :D

I usually don't like cats, but this one is special! XD

Misunderstood.

2011-06-03T12:13:00.000+08:00

This is not a dog! T.T

Certainty/Uncertainty.

2011-06-02T20:45:00.000+08:00

The only thing certain in life is that there is always a beginning, a middle, and an end. On Wednesday, 18th May, 2011, I attended what hopefully was the last class of my undergraduate degree. It was a Media Audiences tutorial, going through five questions for exam revision.

I guess, weeks or months or years from now, I might want to remember things like... I wore my grey floral dress with the English rose prints and my grey cardigan ... Rene sat on my right and Shang on my left ... the battery in my voice recorder wasn't flat for once ... and we sat in the back row, because I knew, I'd want to take photos of the last class. LOL. And it's too "over" if I sat in, say, the front row and started taking pictures.

It's been a quick semester. I'm not extraordinarily passionate about any of my three units this term, but they are a necessary means to a necessary end - my university degree. :D I guess I am tired, and haunted by the inevitable shadow of uncertainty at what must come after this chapter of my life is over.

I have to go, but I don't want to leave, but what am I leaving behind and what am I going after? Will anything change in the next six months or is it certain already? Is anything ever set in stone, or have plans already been set into motion? Will the stars align and fate intervene, or has it already dealt its hand? Which will triumph - head versus heart - or have I resigned myself to decisiveness/indecisiveness?

Between the answers to those questions and the present moment are three journalism assignments and one communications exam. And oh, precious, cherished time.

Thursday.

2011-06-02T19:54:00.005+08:00

You make me feel like bubblegum pop rocks.
Heavy metal music. Trance. Funny Japanese videos.
1980s love songs. Oh baby, baby, it's a wild world~

Weekdays are blue. Weeknights are purple.

Weekends are pink. Sundays are sunshine yellow.

I'm so blown away, you've changed my everyday.

[Muse: Unintended]

I love you so much omg.

2011-06-02T17:33:00.000+08:00

Insert emo statement here.

2011-05-31T01:16:00.002+08:00

1.
The toilet doesn't work.
I haven't slept for longer than 5 hours in almost a year unless I am knackered.
You overreact. So I overreact. And I see the molehills from far, far away.

2.
I didn't tell my best friends. They have no idea. I wish they knew.
There is always an elephant in the room. It's black.

3.
I want to be alone. I have nowhere to hide. Is there a library nearby.
The more crowded. The better. I can finally be faceless. Nameless.

4.
I know you sacrifice. I hate when you say I don't realise it.
Guilt is a terrible weapon. Watch people self-destruct. Just watch.
It's like stadiums imploding. Mushrooms in the air.

5.
Nowhere to go. No place to be. All I can confide are half-stories.
Define lucky. How many ways are there to break a heart.

6.
I don't tell you because I don't want to burden you more.
Push me. Stop.

7.
I want to grow up. Am I grown up. How do you measure it.
We're past the chalkmarks on the wall. 168cm.
Pull me. Stop.

8.
There is someone. There are people. Onetwothreefourfivesix.
I don't remember things anymore. I try to forget.

9.
Stop using me. Stop abusing me. What do I owe you.
Let me pay you back. Why are there so many backpages.
It's everywhere I go. Vultures haunt and circle. Waiting.

10.
I miss writing like this. I miss being honest with myself.
Please. Call me selfish again. I need to be punished and there is no better rod.

Ride of your life.

2011-05-20T02:45:00.002+08:00

I think people always remember their firsts. First love, first kiss, first pet, first car.

The first car my family had - that I can recall from when I was a tot - was a boxy blue-grey Volvo.

I don't actually remember anything about that car, because when I was a few years old we got a new car ... a boxy brown Volvo. LOL. I think we can safely conclude that my family liked Volvos back then.

Then when I was old enough to understand what tuition classes meant (i.e. the end of fun after school), we had a Perodua Kancil. This little white car, Mr. Bean-esque in its size, launched my family's vehicular career in "cars with no backside".

When I was in Form 1, my parents got fancy and bought a Fiat Punto, a "continental car". And the only reason I know it's a "continental car" is because that's their answer to a lot of questions - why is the steering wheel like that? how come it can go so fast so quick? how come the antennae is in the middle?

The answer: "Because it's a continental car." LOL. And seeing how much my parents must love this car, they must have not been too happy when I spilled Milo all over the backseat when I was 13. :/

And then, for my 18th birthday, my parents bought me my first - and only - car. :D The Perodua Myvi!

Told you we don't like cars with backsides anymore lol. Hatchbacks are a lot easier to do reverse parking with!

Especially since it's evident I don't do front parking very well to begin with...

In just 3 short years of driving, I could fill entire dinner conversations with the embarrassing stories of my parking adventures. For one thing, strangers are always feeling compelled to direct me in parking - strangers from the car wash opposite the parking space I'm trying to reverse into (next to the pillar somemore!), strangers from the office in front of the space I'm trying to park into to bring my friends to eat steamboat ... strangers in Monash who, at one point, even had to take my driver's seat and park my car for me. LOL.

And it's good that I drive an affordable local car because I'm not the best of car owners. I've driven up many curbs and misplaced my car many times...

One of my "Where did I park my car??" moments:

But when I do find my small apple-green vehicle, I really cherish it ... it's a private little space with air-conditioning and MixFM/LiteFM on the radio ... and even if there's a traffic jam, I can reply SMSes when the lights are red. :D

Ride of my life, story of my life. Lol.

Stop Motion Project.

2011-03-10T04:35:00.000+08:00

"It can only happen to you."

2011-02-16T23:58:00.001+08:00

Now, that's a sentence that's been said to me 127492978 times in my life. It ranges from "Mummy, I drove over the curb on the way to uni today!", going to the cafeteria for lunch hour when it was actually 10.30am and time for economics class, to "Teacher, I'm sorry, I broke the tabung uji" and an accident involving a 7-year-old me and the act of dropping the house phone all the way from upstairs to downstairs.

And just when I think I can't possibly do another stupid thing so soon after this revelation that I'm a magnet for these things ...

And these stories are just the tip of the iceberg. Imagine that!

Evolution of the accent.

2011-02-15T17:52:00.002+08:00

It's interesting how we can be doing something now and think it makes absolute sense, but look back at ourselves years from now and realise how strange we were.

Maybe when I'm 45, I'll look back on my now-22-year-old self and wonder what in the world I was thinking, parading my multicoloured jumpsuits around town in four-inch heels. But right now, of course, it makes perfect sense.

So I'm looking back on other things I used to do, and laughing at how silly I was. I just found an old YouTube video of myself, aged 18, giving an empassioned speech in class about why war sucks. (See video embedded below.) And in that video, I'm speaking in the fake English accent that, for some reason, was my "speech accent" from age 9 to 19. For 10 years of my life, I believed that that was only one proper way to give formal speeches - whether for public-speaking competitions or class presentations - and that required a pseudo-English accent.

I think that I believed it was my "winning formulae", so I never strayed from what I knew - even if it meant putting on an accent that was politically incorrect and rebelliously un-Malaysian. It was my "speech accent", and it came so naturally to me that it hardly felt like a fake accent anymore.

You see, hours and days and weeks and months and years of practising my speeches in that "speech accent" had drilled it into my brain. Judges in competitions remembered me as "the girl with the British accent" and gave me awards. Teachers praised what they called an "impeccable pronunciation" and "clear voice". When I was a child travelling abroad with my parents, strangers in foreign countries adored me when I spoke in an accent they recognised to be their own. "She's got an English accent!" they'd exclaim. I revelled in their encouragement and was never given a reason to think that I was doing something strange.

And then, I entered university. University is a melting pot of cultures, accents, opinions and strong beliefs. And one very strong opinion that reverberates through campus is that being "fake" is never good, because we have to be the best version of ourselves. One day, I heard one of my lecturers criticising the DJs on LiteFM for having "fake American accents". Until this day, I disagree with his criticism - I love LiteFM, and I think they speak really well, the kind of English I hope my children will speak in the future! - but the lesson I took from his comment was that I should find an accent that is true to myself.

Certainly, now that I'm older and surer of who I am - or at least, the kind of person I someday hope to be - I no longer put on my "speech accent". I still carry traces of a concocted accent, a potpouri of English/American/Malaysian that I've grown to accept. It's just who I am now.

Some people like to say that I'm not being "true to my roots" - but what they fail to understand is that people are exactly who they are because of their life experiences. From excessive travelling since infancy and pure exposure to British and American pop culture, zero knowledge of Mandarin and a barely passable proficiency in Cantonese, I think that these play a major role in forming my roots. So I've come to realise now, that as long as I'm true to myself - not someone else's version of myself, or what I should sound like - I'm on the right track. :)

But I can't help wondering, whether my accent is a continually evolving work-in-progress depending on where I am, who I'm with, who I decide to be. Is there ever an end to the evolution of the accent?

I am not a drama queen.

2011-02-14T19:22:00.000+08:00

Happy Valentine's Day. :)

ASOS Cotton Dobby Frill Tiered Maxi Dress, ~~£55~~ £19

What are best friends for?

2011-02-09T23:52:00.004+08:00

Today, An thought there could be an intruder in her house eventhough she couldn't find anyone. So we FaceTimed and played SandSlides until her parents got home. What are best friends for if not to entertain your irrational fears? :P

Hug An Asian Day.

2011-02-06T03:07:00.000+08:00

I can't believe there's such a thing, but there is! I think there should be a Hug A Malaysian Day! :D Malaysians everywhere will appreciate the love. Although... I did get hugged by a total stranger in London one night while he yelled, "I LOVE ASIANS!" and it just freaked me out.

Picture credits to http://sakuradbzgirl15.deviantart.com/art/Hug-An-Asian-Day-181679342

So... are you seeing anyone?

2011-02-01T03:44:00.003+08:00

I'm not sure if it's about me turning 23 this year, or if people feel that 2012 is just around the corner and the world could be ending ... but The Relationship Question (TRQ) has been in the thick of conversation topics of late.

Maybe it's the whole Chinese New Year spirit infusing itself into talking points - because, as most Chinese people will know, meeting with your (nosy) relatives is bound to see the conversation turning to, "So, do you have a boyfriend?" And if you do have a boyfriend/girlfriend, it'll be "So, when are you getting married?"

It always starts with a "So...", because it's what they really meant to ask you about in the first place. "So" is the shortcut key in conversations when you're trying to stick a pre-planned sentence into whatever you're saying.

I think the first time I noticed the newfound TRQ emphasis was a couple of months ago when An's older sister was shopping for rings, and she was adamant on not wearing a ring on her ring finger in case it gave guys the impression that she was unavailable. Hahaha!

So... when a guy asks me if I'm single, or when someone tries to set me up with the owner of a toy store, I don't quite know how to react. Now that CNY is approaching, single girls are plastering their Facebook walls with clever, snide responses to annoying aunties ("So, when are you getting married?" "Oh, didn't I invite you to my wedding?").

On the bright side though, it would be really, really cool to meet the owner of a toy store. :D (I don't mean Toys "R" Us kind of toy store lah.)

P.S: This is one of the side effects of watching The Office, you get all sappy and romantic after gushing at Jim and Pam. They are so sweet, seriously. Pam made Jim a comic book and I thought he was going to cry. Heeeee.

Ian Somerhalder or Edward Cullen are just a little too far out of reach.

2011-01-31T03:21:00.000+08:00

Jonah.

2011-01-15T23:03:00.003+08:00

Shangari taught me a new word the other day, Jonah, to describe bad luck. Or maybe Jonah is the opposite of Lady Luck.

Bad Luck #1
Last night when Yi Ping and I were doing my previously-deemed-impossible feat of going back all the way to my very first Facebook post - all it takes is less than an hour and a very crazy determined look in your eyes! - I found out that an old schoolmate un-friended me on Facebook! I'm a little shocked and more than a little hurt when I suddenly couldn't access her profile to write on her wall. :( And all I wanted to say was that I thought it was so sweet that she was the very first person to write on my Facebook wall when I first joined Facebook 4 years ago. :(

While I'm no stranger to unfriending people if they aren't actually my friends or start sending me creepy or frequent commercial messages, I swear I didn't spam her or do anything untoward towards her this past year that prompted her to click the "Unfriend" button. The last contact I had with her was in December 2009.

Oh well! I think I'm too old to worry about this kind of thing anymore. Lol. I gotta let it go. Grow up, Sha-Lene!

Bad Luck #2
The cherry on top of the Jonah cake - I don't think I'm using the word correctly anymore though :P - is that my beloved new laptop is suffering from an unidentified problem and keeps crashing on me.

Bad Luck #3
I was in Taylor's Lakeside Campus with An Nie on Tuesday. We were in her car, pulling out of the parking bay when the side of her car scratched against the pillar. She was rather distraught, and I felt horrible because she was so down. And I couldn't help thinking, what if I had been totally quiet while she was driving to turn right? The car was still too close to the pillar on the driver's side, but would she have noticed? She keeps saying it's not my fault because she's driven against a pillar before - and therefore has the tendency to scratch pillars - but I still think I was a factor. Car accidents have too many variables.

I don't know what I should do to turn my luck around.

Store credit.

2011-01-15T22:35:00.003+08:00

After I did LASIK, I was left with about nine months' supply of daily disposable contact lenses. I mean, most people who use contact lenses will buy them in bulk to save money - so every year, I got a year's supply from Cambridge Optical. :D

The original plan was to change the power to my friends' ones so they could buy over the contacts - but then Cambridge didn't allow that and decided to give me store credit instead.

I totally prefer store credit! :D Well, cash is king but store credit is the next best thing. ;)

So yesterday, I went to Cambridge and used less than half my store credit on a gorgeous new pair of Marc by Marc Jacobs sunglasses. :D It's burgundy! And pretty big!

I wanted yellow, but mum said, "Don't be ridiculous." :(

Blue M&Ms.

2011-01-14T23:11:00.004+08:00

I think I'm feeling blue because I ate too many blue M&Ms. At least, that's why my fingers are blue. How can someone feel homesick before even leaving home? And it's not like I'm leaving for long, I'm only going away for ten days to ~~fat camp~~ Sri Lanka.

Is it too childish to say I'll miss my mother and father? :( I'll also miss my bedroom and my fat rabbit who sleeps in inappropriate parts of the patio. I'll miss my pointless alarm clock and gigantic bolster. I'll miss air-conditioning and Malaysia. I'll miss knowing the language and the food - the latter almost too well - and the streets. Well, maybe not so much the streets, but you know what I mean!

I feel bluuuuue.

Chinese parenting.

2011-01-09T21:29:00.003+08:00

Today, Weiling showed me an excellent WSJ article on Chinese parenting titled "Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior". It was written by Amy Chua, a professor at Yale Law School - and shed light on what we Malaysian kids are all too familiar with but probably only experienced a milder version of. :P

In hindsight, I think I only had a pseudo-Chinese upbringing. My family is pretty open-minded, to the point that it always shocks me when my parents reinforce traditional lessons like, "Don't paint your nails black" or "Don't wear black to weddings or Chinese New Year reunions". While some of my friends have to have sit-down dinners at the dining hall and eat rice at least once a day, everyday, I only eat rice about 10 out of 30 days of a month. And when I got older, I was even allowed to have some meals in front of the TV or computer.

So it follows that my parents didn't use conventional Chinese parenting styles on me either - or at least, not all the time. ;)

I remember when I was in primary school, my friends and teachers would always gush over my impeccably neat handwriting. Each perfectly formed letter was in equal size to the perfectly formed letters on either side. I could virtually print every piece of the alphabet in penmanship so tidy that it was often mistaken as printed text. Other parents said to their kids (my friends), "Look at Sha-Lene's handwriting. It's so neat. Why can't you write like that?"

And nobody ever stopped to wonder why my handwriting was the way it was. The truth was that my parents - Daddy in particular - trained me to write. My parents sat with me repeatedly, monitoring the slant of the pencil and angle of my grip, teaching me the proper way to write. I remember getting very anxious when my father would sternly point out that the words on the right side of the sentence were bigger than the words on the left side!

He would say, "Why is it getting bigger and bigger?" and I would struggle to force the next word back into proportion. ROFL!

And like how Amy Chua pushed her daughter Lulu to learn that song, my parents coached many aspects of my personality - the organisation, perfectionism, attention to detail. The "perfect handwriting", like Lulu's perfect song, certainly gained me a lot of praise and ego-boosting for many years to come. I don't know what other things my parents trained in me - but I'm willing to bet it was a lot more than just penmanship. :D

I was really slow in kindergarten, way behind in my Peter & Jane workbooks because I spent too much time gazing at the people and objects around me - fascinated to no end that there was such a big world to explore! As an only child and the first grandchild in the family, trust me when I tell you that you never quite realise how many other children there are in the world until you enrol in kindergarten. XD

So my parents did what every Chinese parent would do. After kindergarten was over and before Standard 1 began, they bought tonnes of workbooks for me. They sat with me and we did ALL the books until I could work so fast, do everything so well.

In kindergarten, I hated cut-and-paste class because I always accidentally pasted the tree over the cow and couldn't peel off what I had already glued on the canvas. In class, I would end up with glue on my hands, missing pieces of the barnyard or school bus or whatever picture they had us work on for the day, and tears in my eyes. After kindergarten, my parents did so many cut and paste exercises with me that I actually became good at cut-and-paste - and actually grew to love it!

I entered primary school all ready to take on whatever the curriculum could hurl at me. I had been trained! For the rest of my primary and secondary school life, if I had a problem at anything, my parents used the same careful, unbelievably patient coaching - and we kept at it until I excelled at whatever it was that I sucked at doing.

With the exception of - as Amy Chua wrote - gym and art. :D

Of course, this system of Chinese parenting only lasts up to where ever your parents have the knowledge to teach you up to. Beyond commonsensical knowledge, Chinese parents would hire a tutor. For example, I had to have a private tutor teach me accounting because I just couldn't get it - until one day before my matriculation exam, when it finally clicked and everything made sense!

I wouldn't want to have had it any other way - if my parents hadn't pushed me and employed Chinese parenting when they did, I wouldn't have half the accomplishments I have today.

And the only reason I don't have more accomplishments and had lazy sort of fun instead would probably be because they let me make my own decisions! LOL! If my parents had used Chinese parenting as strictly as Amy Chua did, I would have been forced to take my (stressful) piano exams. I would have been forced to continue law school (miserably), and I would have graduated by now and be a lawyer. I would've had to continue those (horrible) POL classes in primary school and now be able to speak Mandarin. I would have been forced to go on the treadmill everyday like my dad always nags me to do, and I wouldn't be overweight.

So I think that I should apply Chinese parenting on to myself! Now that I'm turning 23 this year, I'm gonna try to be my own Chinese parent. Not about stuff that I can't change anymore, like law school or piano, but other things - like being healthier. I might even hear my dad's voice saying, "Don't finish those french fries!" the next time I'm at TGIF's! LOL!

Pre-Colombo (not in the U.S.A.)

2011-01-06T18:02:00.005+08:00

Spring cleaning.

2011-01-06T04:10:00.000+08:00

Daddy reckons that my laptop automatically changing its desktop background every few hours is catered to people who are easily bored. LOL. I love that the picture changes by itself! I guess that means I'm easily bored. Another clue is probably that I have four Internet browsers on my taskbar (Safari, IE, Chrome, Firefox), with at least two running at the same time with different Gmail accounts.

And then there're the nagging factual nuggets that my shoe cupboard practically exploded, my bag drawers became hard to open/close/budge, and I'm always running low on clothes hangers.

I don't think it was that long ago that I did my last major spring cleaning, but it's definitely time to do it again. So, if you walk into my room, it's going to look like a mess right now because I'm taking everything out of their drawers and reorganizing from scratch! :D It has to get worse before it gets better. ;)

In Search for The Shoe Cupboard.

2011-01-05T20:19:00.002+08:00

I resolve to find a way to organise all my clothes, shoes, bags, accessories and cosmetics into a very tidy and impeccably accessible way! How do you do it? Don't say "stop shopping" because that's preposterous! The lack of space and terrible organisation of my belongings is starting to drive me crazy and I'm going nuts trying to come up with a new system! There's all this scattered space that I HAVE to be able to make do with!

The moment I get to move out into my own apartment, I am definitely going to get a wardrobe that is specifically designed to contain not only clothes but also a long shelf for bags, a stackable drawer set for accessories, a cabinet for beauty products. And if the shoes have to fit into that wardrobe, then it should be a separated section for shoes that can be kept in individual shoeboxes with a picture of the shoes inside. If IKEA fails me in creating such a wardrobe, at least I gotta get a bigger shoe cupboard where the shoes don't have to be squeezed up in boxes but properly displayed. ARGHHHHH! Everything that can't fit into my existing shoe cupboard in the hallway is packed away in shoeboxes in the cupboard/storeroom under the stairs. There has to be a better way to do this!

This is an example of a wardrobe that's got it right (pictured below). Everything is well compartmentalised AND there are closing doors so that things don't get unnecessarily dusty. And it's best to keep shoes away from other things because they get dirty. Shoes are so hard to store! Some of my friends keep their shoes in their car - especially if they drive around a lot for work, some keep an entire wall of shoeboxes with the picture-on-the-box system, others have a huge shoe cupboard.

I always knew Nicky Hilton was a smart girl! These other celebs though, I don't think they're that practical... their things are going to get so dusty. LOL.

I refuse to admit defeat. In the next 7 days I will DEFINITELY be able to organise ALL my things. And I will blog the photos then! GRR. My room and the storeroom is such an eyesore right now.

New apps!

2011-01-02T03:26:00.005+08:00

Happy New Year! :D

With the new year comes new beginnings - among them lie shiny new apps to be discovered! :D Skype's launched a new video calling element that trumps even FaceTime, and I discovered a bunch of photography apps that are really useful!

1) Camera Plus:
The iPhone/iPod camera doesn't have a timer, which is a drawback when it's kinda hard to click the touchscreen snap button when you're taking pics of yourselves :P Solution: download the Camera Plus app! It has a whole bunch of stuff like an easy zoom and a 3-second timer :)

2) Photo Mess:
This is a really cool collage app where you can pinch, pull, magnify, shrink, turn, rotate, basically MESS with any photos you want :D

Which makes it easy to make cards for birthdays or anniversaries! And also to blog about stuff when you've left it to expire in terms of timeliness.

The MySimplifieds Community Meet-Up I attended with Rena :) My first "roadside nasi lemak" adventure, and a peek at what actual networking events are like! And sat through my first auction :D

Went for sushi and shopping with Carmen and Bei Yan a couple of weeks ago :)

Other noteworthy photography apps: Colaroid Cam PRO (which is free only until end of this month!) and Fun Camera by iToyToy.

My other basic photography apps are MoreLomo, LomoLomo, SuperCamera, OldPhotoPRO. And for editing pics, it's gotta be Phototreats, Color Splash (or Color Effects, both apps have the same purpose), PS Express and Fisheye4Free! Polarize and PictureEffectMagic are also cool. FlashForFree is great for the predecessors of the iPhone 4 because previous models didn't have the built-in flash yet!

The best part? All the apps I mentioned are FREE! :D

I see fairy dust.

2010-12-31T16:35:00.000+08:00

I went for Lasik yesterday at OPTIMAX Eye Specialist Centre in TTDI. I guess the fact that I can blog the very next day after corrective eye surgery is testament to how awesome the procedure is! :D

Of course, my eyes aren't completely healed yet - so everything is still kinda coated in fairy dust. The outlines of people and objects are shimmering, kinda like what vampires look like in the Twilight saga. :P Vision is still slightly blurry, but it's basically 20/20 already. :D It feels so strange, because I haven't had 20/20 vision since I was 8 years old.

For now, I have to wear sunglasses in the daytime and hard-shell eye protectors when I sleep. I can't go swimming or to the spa or sauna. I can't rub my eyes or get anything in them. I have to avoid dusty or smoky places like clubs, bars, and construction sites. I have to put eye drops every hour or so, and antibiotic eye drops four times a day. And I have to go for scheduled follow-up eye checkups at OPTIMAX.

The surgery was nervewracking, but not unbearably painful. I think the scariest part is just the 10 seconds that you have to focus on the blinking green light, because your eye is being lasered. And it feels like the 10 longest seconds you've ever had, because it's so easy for our eyes to bounce all over the place instead of just at the green light. And when it's over, the doctor says, "Okay, next eye."

The whole surgery takes just about 15 minutes. It's the waiting around and pre-surgery checkups that take hours. So I was at OPTIMAX from 11am until 5pm yesterday! But it felt a lot shorter because I was so nervous.

But the best part is that I don't have to wear glasses or contact lenses anymore. Well, I don't mind so much about the contacts. It was really the glasses that I disliked. :P

Goodbye, nerdy glasses! XD

Adieu, looking like I'm at home!

Farewell, bespectalisation!

And I guess I'll never forget what Alison said about my doing Lasik: "Ur gonna hav 20/20 vision.. like sailormoon!"

Hello, waking up with clear eyesight for the first time!

No more glasses blocking my eyes from seeing the world clearly. No more contact lenses to put on or take off in the morning/at night.

Although, I won't be giving up my lens-less bling geek glasses :P

RM188.

2010-12-28T19:22:00.003+08:00

Update as at 1.1.2011: Santa heard my Christmas wish! :D Sort of! Bottom line is I'm getting this yellow bag! YAY!

Dear Santa, I know this message is a little late but all I want for Christmas is for RM188 to grow on the lime tree in the garden.

RM188 to buy this mustard yellow bag from the.OCTOBER.

How can something be so beautiful and yet so unattainable? :( If only I were a Billionaire, right? ;)

I haven't been blogging because ...

2010-12-23T23:00:00.001+08:00

MySimplifieds Community Meet Up
Comic Fiesta 2010
Chilli's with Tse Mun
Reading Sailormoon comics
Working on YSK
Waking up at 3pm
Sleeping at 6am
Chatting with An on FaceTime and Skype
... and this blog ran out of photo quota on Picasa :(

No worries though, I found a solution :D Will be back with more blog posts filled with colourful pictures! ^.^

P.S: Shang and Carrie say "^.^" is as lala as Sungei Wang Sue, but I still like it. :P
P.P.S: Shang got a dolphin tattoo on her calf TODAY.
P.P.P.S: I am trying to learn the Robot dance.

The artist behind the Yasmin Ahmad graffiti.

2010-12-16T23:20:00.004+08:00

I don't know how it happened, or what really went down. But all I know is, he committed suicide and now he's gone forever. The physics of the world seem terribly unfair to take away so many good people in such a short amount of time - Mister Benjamin, Mr Ananth... And less than two years after the death of my favourite filmmaker, Yasmin Ahmad, the talented artist who immortalised her in street graffiti has now passed on as well.

His name was Jeng. He was our main interviewee in the documentary my journalism team did last year on street graffiti in Kuala Lumpur.

I remember our day trip to graffiti hot spots with Jeng and Snozze. I remember how nervous I was to meet them. I remember shaking their hands. They were very friendly, friendlier than the nervous me might've been.

There was a point in the night where I had to wait in the car with Jeng, and I braced myself for awkward silence. But he was great, he started asking me about school and what I do for work. We started talking about Your Shopping Kaki. He seemed genuinely interested, and even told me about his close friend Huang who was running a blogshop. Huang and Ying of Milktee later became one of my long-standing advertisers.

If it weren't for the documentary I was working on, I don't think I would ever have met him. I only got the opportunity to work with the artists thanks to Jin Hackman a.k.a. Tang Eu-Jin, my teammate. I felt like one day shadowing Jeng and his fellow artist was like a parallel lifetime of learning. Jeng, he was inspiring. He foresaw a future for graffiti in Malaysia, he fought for it. He was really something special.

It's true what they say about an artist's value going up when they are gone. I suddenly feel like the video is all that's left of what I can learn from him. I'm grateful I still have his photographs. I can't publish them online because his identity has to remain anonymous to be protected - graffiti is not exactly legal in Malaysia - but I feel like as long as we remember him, and remember his work, have a piece of it with us, his legacy lives on.

~~I'm sorry I never learnt his real name. :(~~ Update: I ran a search on Facebook and found his real name, and this blog entry by another local artist (Jeng's crewmate) with the information about Jeng's suicide: *click here*

"Surprise, we got you LASIK!"

2010-12-15T16:48:00.001+08:00

Well, in less dazzlingly cheerful words. It terrifies me that I'll be going for SURGERY in 2 weeks. But at the same time, it'll be great not to have to wear contact lenses or glasses for the next couple of decades! :)

A bit of a bummer that I'll have to wear my glasses during the shopping conference (yes, there is such a thing!) on Saturday and during Comic Fiesta on Sunday. :( Awww.

P.S: Received a bunch of parcels today that I'll blog about eventually, but just had to blog first about the first ASOS item I received so far! :D The swimsuit fits perfectly and it's so nice! :D Mad about ASOS.

Thanksgiving.

2010-12-13T23:03:00.005+08:00

I'm a little bit unfamiliar with the turkey tradition, since we don't celebrate Thanksgiving in Malaysia, but I know that being thankful is about as universal an emotion as love or anger.

I'm pretty exhausted today from writing three articles for YSK back-to-back, and even more exhausted from the huge pile of work still waiting to be done (including Dr Sony's engineering story, which I spent so many hours transcribing the interview for, and now have to read newspaper articles and write the actual story). And I really want to blog about my trip to Incheon and Melbourne, furniture-shopping with Carmen on Thursday, dim sum at Maria's on Friday, the crafts market "Art For Grabs" with An Nie on Saturday, but all of that will have to wait... because there's too much urgent work to be done. :(

And An, Alicia, Shang, Carmen, Mechell, Jen and Shaz have all got such fun days out in store with each of them - including games, food, museums, THE ZOO, and shopping - yet I'm 5 years old again, grounded inside the classroom when all my classmates have gone out to play. And the teacher said I can't go out until I've finished my homework :( Nooooo!

And it's all my fault for taking on so much work!

But beyond the griping and grumbling, I find myself intrigued by the overwhelming and positive response to my new YSK affiliate website, Pasar Night. I went through the pasarnight Gmail inbox just now, and I found e-mails thanking us for setting up such a website, and how much we are helping. And I feel this feeling that is almost alien, because I haven't felt it for so long, moved.

You know how people say, you get so deep into something that you can't see the wood for the trees? Pasar Night has reinvigorated in me why I do Your Shopping Kaki, why I mustn't start to detest the workload, why I must remember that as much criticism visitors can dish out, there are those that still visit the website because it helps someone, somewhere.

I guess I just hate being so behind on my work. Even if I finish my reviews, I still have over 700 e-mails to link blogshops up on the sidebar. And a whole list of advertisers I haven't replied, and I don't even dare to, because then I'd be owing more people more articles that I haven't written. It's all I can do to drag myself out of the house and see the world outside for a few hours a day, otherwise I'd be trapped at my desk banging on the keyboard to chase those blog posts I haven't written or news stories I haven't read/done.

So I drove to campus and had lunch with Jung Ai, Kinta and their new friend Sophie from China. They're doing summer school at the moment. Only about four vendors are open in the cafeteria, but luckily IndoZest was open :D Pity the nasi lemak stall wasn't.

After lunch, a couple of us went to chill out in Sunway Pyramid. :) Finally got to check out the Forever 21 sale - which is every bit as impressive as the posters seem to shout! :D Got my lace-up bustier mini-dress for only RM30, *squeal!* Down from RM109. Loving the year end sales.

Don't ask me why the picture is the other way around - it keeps rotating itself this way no matter how hard I try to straighten it! :P

Misi Cari Makan

2010-12-07T23:00:00.000+08:00

My Misi Cari Makan team from the Kanna Curry House adventure jumped at another public holiday today, and off we went to Fat Spoon - a much-raved restaurant in Damansara Uptown! :D

Me - discovering a cool mirror in Mei's car. Mei - driving. Cynthia - reading newspaper.

Like a smash between oriental Baba/Nyoya stylistics and contemporary cafe ideas.

Like chalkboard menus - a very "in" thing now in trendy cafes.

Or putting pages from old storybooks as coasters!

And then they serve Lou Shu Fun. Hahahaha. Which is so Malaysian!

And they have customers like Cynthia who wear robot-cartoon-printed shirts and bring newspapers.

And people like me who orders RM4.90 prawn fritters for brunch.

The prawn fritters were delicious :D

It's like every table has different chairs, and I got the yellow chair! :D

The blueberry cheesecake was truly delicious! See how we started to eat it before I even took the pic.

Mei ordered an RM3.90 Creme Caramel - nice but not as nice as bluberry cheesecake :D

Your visit ends with your bill being delivered to you as a "bookmark" in an ancient storybook like the one above!

Cute artsy place right? :D Food is good too, and prices are very affordable :) Definitely recommended!

After we fattened ourselves at Fat Spoon - sorry, the Pung couldn't resist the pun! - we stumbled upon this little store with really interesting items! :D For example, I'm in love with the prints of this luggage box. Someday, I want a luggage bag with prints like this!

I'd have bought this one if the handle wasn't so darn hard to use. I wish it was like a trolley bag. Hahaha.

And there were all sorts of beauty products. And a hair diffuser that I really want to get!

Mei has her eye set on a portable sauna. Hehe!

And then Mei insisted we go eat cupcakes at Cupcake Chic :D I love the peanut butter flavoured cupcakes!

Finally, for dinner we decided to go to IKEA to eat meatballs. And for Cynthia to obsess about the damage to her wallet. LOL.

Evidence below - can you see the numbers? LOL!

Note-to-self: IKEA is crazy on public holidays. Crazy to find parking, crazy to queue for anything - whether meatballs or currypuffs!

And yet we queue anyway. LOL. The food is delicious of course!

On an unrelated note, funny poster on the road:

And I got my aeroplane ring! :D The one Mei helped me pick up from Sara (Zikkos.com) :D LOVE IT.

Cynthia: It's not very you, an aeroplane.

Mei: Then?

Cynthia: She looks like she should wear flowers blooming -

Me: Oh like the ring you got me lah?

Cynthia gave me two yellow rings for my birthday. Now it makes perfect sense why one is a rose encased in glass. Hehe!

P.S: Nichii is having an awesome sale right now! :) With new maxi dresses too - at 10% discount :D I tried these on and bought one, hehe!

That horror movie lady.

2010-12-07T02:08:00.000+08:00

Whenever I'm walking alone anywhere - whether through corridors or into bathrooms or through the carpark - I always hope that it will be as boring as possible. Incident-free, i.e. I don't see anything or hear anything. And it's always been that way, largely thanks to my heightened sense of oblivion, until Thursday night in my hotel.

You know how creepy hotel corridors are when they're empty, right? Even if it's a five-star hotel like the Hyatt, with plush wall-to-wall carpeting and scented decor? You peep out the peephole and pray you'll see nothing, absolutely nothing?

On Thursday night, I got my exam results and was pretty ecstatic - okay, that's probably an understatement because I burst into tears (of joy and relief) when I saw the four HDs lined up in a row. I had been TERRIFIED of failing my Marketing 101 paper. I still remember crying in the car while driving home after that dreadful exam! Who would've guessed that despite an abysmal performance in the exam that I would have gotten a HD? Whoa! Thus the tears :P *shy.

So anyway, I was celebrating in the hotel bar with a lychee martini, my parents, my dad's BFFs (aww, isn't it cute that grown-ups have "bros" too? haha), and mostly my iPhone to keep me entertained and to check my exam results in the first place. At about half past ten, I had hyper-ed myself into exhaustion and decided to call it a night, so I bade goodnight to everyone and headed off back to my hotel room - by myself.

Seeing as that hotel is like my second home, I knew my way around and wasn't afraid to waltz up to my room. Ding! The elevator doors opened. I strolled through the corridors towards my room. Until I heard the woman's voice.

Yeah. All the corridors were totally empty - or so I thought - and suddenly I heard a woman's voice. I felt like she was calling me, so I walked a few steps back until I found the corridor where her voice was coming from. And then I saw her.

I would describe her as a middle-aged Asian lady. I couldn't tell if she was Chinese, Korean, Japanese, Vietnamese or something else altogether. And even worse, I couldn't tell which language she was speaking to me in. She kept waving me over, like "Come. Come." She had one foot in the door to her hotel room, and one foot in the corridor. Why? I didn't understand. I spoke to her in English. I don't think she understood me.

I would've tried Korean, but all I can remember is Hello and Thank you. :( All I could understand was that she wanted me to go into her room with her.

So I stood there, frozen. What to do, what to do? I ran through the options in my head: go back down to the lobby and get help for her. Go to my room and call for the front desk to come up and help her. Or walk down that corridor and see what she wanted to show me.

But what if she dragged me into the room and murdered me?!

I know Hyatt guests aren't usually lunatics, but still! I watch way too many crime dramas to ever walk into a stranger's hotel room. But just before I was about to head to the elevator and get help from the lobby, the elevators doors went Ding! and another Asian lady walked out.

"Annyung haseyo? Hello? Do you speak any Korean?" I asked her quickly.

"No, I'm sorry, I don't speak Korean. What's wrong?"

"There's a woman this way, she keeps calling me to her room but I don't understand what she's saying. I'm not sure if she's speaking Korean," I explained, and we both started walking towards that middle-aged lady who scared the bejeebers out of me.

And then suddenly the new lady said, "Oh, I understand what she's saying! We can understand each other. It's okay, I've got it." And she went into the room, smiling, and they closed the door behind them!

I was relieved and yet totally panicked at the same time. I listened for screams of terror that could sound from inside that room any moment now. All I heard were the ladies' voices conversing in a language entirely foreign to me. So I gave it 30 seconds, then decided to head back to the safety of my own room.

When my parents finally came up to the room, they found my story very funny :(
And Mei said, "You are the most paranoid person I know."

"There's peanut dust in the water."

2010-12-06T23:45:00.000+08:00

Water tastes different in every country. Having been acclimatised to Malaysian must-filter water, it felt strange to drink out of the water fountains on the streets of Melbourne. But so I did - or at least, filled my empty water bottle with that water. And when I drank it, I thought I sensed a hint of peanut dust in the water. My Australian friend disagreed, but that's probably because she's acclimatised to Australian no-need-to-filter water. :D

Infant acquaintance.

2010-11-22T23:42:00.001+08:00

More accurately speaking, Nikita is now my 9-month-old infant acquaintance. :D

And awww look what Maria got me for my birthday! :D

Stick a flag in it.

2010-11-22T23:08:00.000+08:00

It's not often that a slice of cake becomes the talk of the town. But Ikea - my Disneyland of furniture - has done it again, and the hot reputation of their Daim cake got May Yen and I so curious that we went there today just to eat the cake!

Gotta give Ikea props - the cake was every bit as delicious as our friends say it is! :D A quick Google search tonight also made me realise how famous this particular type of cake has always been :P

Guilty as a meatball that we of course veered from our original intent of going there only to eat the cake :P Who goes to Ikea and doesn't eat their meatballs and fries? Hehe! I never thought eating meatballs with strawberry jam was awesome until I ate it in Ikea's food court.

Then of course we went shopping! :D Since May Yen hasn't been shopping in aeons - well, aeons to a shopping kaki at least :P - she bought some cute stuff while I just window-shopped.

It was really nice to hang out with May Yen again, we haven't hung out since the summer of 2008 when we were both interning at the women's NGO centre. :)

Btw, if you're looking for skinny belts, I've never seen a larger variety of nice ones than in Brands Outlet :D Affordable too!

Less affordable is the multi-purpose wrap braid I want from Diva :( I took a photo to remind myself to pounce on it the moment it goes on sale :D

There's no mall like Amcorp Mall.

2010-11-22T02:01:00.002+08:00

On Sunday, Calyn and I finally decided we'd go to Amcorp Mall! :D Well, I finally decided - it was my first time to the much-talked-about Amcorp Sunday flea market and the mall in general, whereas Calyn's been there plenty of times before. :D

And after a couple of hours there, I can safely say I've found my go-to place for vintage clothes and affordable books! :) And kooky, quirky things like vinyl records, coin collections, collectors' items like action figures, paintings, charm bracelets, and just most things imaginable. It truly is a flea market - excluding the fleas - but these are your friends, neighbours, teachers setting up stalls on Sundays in the spirit of garage sales :D A very fascinating marketplace!

I thought the bookstore in Atria was all I needed for a complete bookworm experience, but that was before I saw the bookstores in Amcorp. WOW. They have the latest titles at the cheapest prices - Harry Potter books for RM20 each, Twilight books for RM18 each, every chick lit, fantasy, horror, science fiction, biography, cooking, self-help genre ... just wow. The one we spent the most time at was a bookstore called "BookXcess" (L3-60 | 03-79560455).

I don't think I'll ever forget it - for two reasons. First, there are so many book titles available and the prices are super affordable. Second, I seem to be the only person in my social circle who can sustain injuries in a cosy, harmless bookstore. I took a book out and it caused the other books to topple, and for some highly intelligent reason, I used my wrist to block the books from falling instead of my hand. So yup, now I have an increasingly gigantic bruise on my right wrist that hurts when I bend my hand down. :( Nothing Dr Sloan can't fix, though :P

Anyway, inevitable clumsiness aside - photos of the vintage stall we found :D

That's Calyn in the picture above, hehe, trying on a totally girly vintage dress for kicks :P The two dresses below are the ones she liked:

The clothes are of vintage designs but are technically brand new because they've never been owned by anyone before. The stall owner said she imported them from Japan - not the first time I've heard a vintage stall owner say the clothes are imported from Japan. I didn't realise vintage was such a big thing there. Hmm.

And this was the vintage dress I totally fell in love with :D Surprise, surprise, it's yellow ;)

Our resulting moderate purchases for the day! Calyn bought one of the vintage dresses, two sets of earrings and rings, and an art thingy that was suitable for ages 3 and up :P

I bought the yellow vintage dress (who's surprised?), a Terry Pratchett book (man, I do love his books!), and a chain necklace for DIY purposes :D

Don't ask me why we arranged the items like that for the photos. LOL. We were leeching off a Secret Recipe table when we didn't order anything there, so you'd think we would try not to attract attention by arranging makeshift stalls on our seats, but nope. We had to take these pictures :P

Two humans and one GPS later.

2010-11-22T00:27:00.002+08:00

I don't know how I can have both the inability to navigate roads and the inability to follow a GPS' instructions properly, but one wrong turn later my GPS was dictating me on a Road To Nowhere instead of Road To Sunway Giza. Fortunately, I had a "human GPS" with me in the form of my best friend of 13 years, Tse Mun :D

"Don't listen to your GPS, it's being stupid" aren't usually the words you want your passenger to say - but in this case, the human GPS trumps the Garmin GPS.

Have I said how happy I am that Tse Mun is back from Adelaide for good? :D She was only there for a year but it felt like too long. Seriously, there's no friend like a friend who's known you since you were both 9 years old - there's just no need for pretense! :) They know your entire history and have obviously stuck by your side through whatever turmoils your past may have - there's no need to explain anything or worse, explain yourself.

So we went to the Weekend WingDing - what a cute name! - bazaar on Saturday at Sunway Giza, but (I) got hungry and we went to eat in a restaurant/boutique in the place - Full House :) It's actually not critically-acclaimed for its menu, but the chicken teriyaki burger was good :D And we learnt the hard way that it's better not to eat there on weekends because the very value-for-money set lunches are only available on weekdays. Boo!

In terms of competing bazaar venues, I guess one advantage that Sunway Giza has over TTDI Plaza is the variety of good eateries available - even a hypermarket! :D

We went there with the full intention of actually proper shopping, but I don't know how and I don't know why but we kinda ended up only window-shopping! :S It may have been due to spending all our time and energy chit chatting with friends (who were vendors), and Tse Mun's really friendly so she chit chat with them too after I introduced her. :D

What I did come home with: "invisible tape" from Michelle - the kinda thing I've always read about people using but never used it before :D And it was only RM3! Then I picked up the "Squeem" corset thingamajig that I'm assigned to do a product review on. Pretty awesome product, but I guess you'll read about that on YSK, hehe.

And then I was going to buy that hairband from Soak Republic, but Tse Mun beat me to the punch and bought it for my birthday :) So sweet! I really love it - especially since I did pick it out myself after trying on all the ones I liked haha!

While on the topic of presents - Michelle surprised me with a bag of Christmas presents! Awww. I almost never get Christmas presents because I'm not a Christian and by equation don't technically celebrate Christmas - so this was so nice! :)

Obsessed.

2010-11-21T22:34:00.003+08:00

I'm no vamp-literature follower, but between my obsession with the Twilight saga and now The Vampire Diaries - all I need now is Gossip Girl to turn into a vampire-werewolf-witch phenomenon and I'd hit the trifecta of vampiric popular culture. I'd be able to stamp myself as truly obsessed!

The stars: Paul Wesley (Stefan Salvatore), Nina Dobrev (Elena Gilbert), Ian Somerhalder (Damon Salvatore).

I LOVE DAMON SALVATORE. The three-dimensional, evolving character of the "anti-hero" is so intriguing, and he's so funny! He's played by actor Ian Somerhalder, who is the embodiment of supernaturally good looks :P

I Wonderhow, I Wondermilk

2010-11-18T17:07:00.003+08:00

Finally went to the much-talked about Wondermilk! :D Alicia and Ben took me there. The girl in several pictures below is Alicia, my adorable friend from Marketing 101 this past semester :)

Wondermilk was truly a delightful little place, and I'm definitely gonna go there again every chance I get! :P

Sunrise, sunrise.

2010-11-14T22:31:00.002+08:00

Today, I watched my journalism lecturer interview the deputy head of the engineering school. I watched unfamiliar words leave their lips and bounce off the too-white walls that were pingpong tables - on a Sunday morning, in a nearly empty campus.

Optical burst switching network. Optical circuit network. Optical packet switching. 1MB. 100MB. 1000MB. Waveband IP network. Grid computing.

Tell me how I'm going to write an 800-word story on this. Despite knowing absolutely nothing about the physics of engineering, I couldn't forgive myself if I didn't at least try.

It scares me that I have more work to do after exams than before exams. Now I'm going to design an advertiser's banner, transcribe the first part of today's interview, play GodFinger, and call it a day. There's just so much work to be done - scheduling, organising, YSK, journalism, advertisers, Nuffnang's Jipaban advertorial, e-mails to reply, things to research ... but tomorrow is tomorrow's problem.

"The Man Song"

2010-11-14T21:29:00.000+08:00

Weiling showed me this video of comedian Sean Morey singing "The Man Song" with his puppet. What a funny song! Haha.

Exams, I survived thee.

2010-11-14T01:41:00.001+08:00

It's interesting to note that there's a tradition to go out with your exam comrades after exams and "do something". Some people go home to sleep, but I never sleep right after exams are over - it's like there are so many things to do other than sleep! :P

Five semesters into Monash, I've had steamboat with friends, a couple of quiet "it's finally over!" coffees with Jung Ai, fast food or dinners with Shang and Sushi, and last semester, arriving fashionably late to my family's own barbecue party.

This year was pretty hectic - in a fun way! - in that I probably decided to do too many things after the "The Second Media Age" ended on Friday afternoon :P

Anitt invited me to her Diwali open house party - and I'd never been to one before, so I definitely wanted to go! :D Her family is SO nice, seriously, and everyone there was just super duper friendly :) And the FOOD! Oh my Sartre! It was so delicious, from vegetarian fish to egg rice to a dish with purri bread that I can't recall the name of!

But I could only stay at the party for an hour! Awww. I already made non-changeable plans with Shang and Sushi - and it's tradition to celebrate with them too, hehe! Especially since my favourite Sushi was flying back to Sri Lanka at like 3am itself! So it was off to a place called "Republic" in Sunway! Although I would've personally preferred a night in Banana Republic instead of Republic the "Sexy Cocktail Bar", I guess a change of scenery is always good once in a while :D

I think the most fascinating thing about bars is the names of the drinks :D When I saw "Alice in Wonderland", I just had to try it!

It came in a tiny little glass that my friends egged me to go drink at one shot - maybe that's why it's called a "shot". I really didn't expect the throat-burning coughs that follow going bottoms up on a tiny little harmless-looking glass of what looked like apple juice! But it tasted nice :D Minus the burning.

Because I finished my tiny drink 30 seconds after the waiter served it to me, he came to our table, took my little glass and gave me an amused look before taking it away. LOL. I said to Shang, "I think the waiter judged me!" She agrees with me :P

Didn't help my case that I had to order another drink - this time a mojito!

It came filled with leaves. Which I started to pick out, before Shang explained that they were edible peppermint leaves :P

And Saturday was brunch with Tse Mun at Sakae Sushi! :D That's the belated birthday present I gave her, hehe! I'm so happy that she's BACK!

I haven't re-organized my room yet to free it from the "exam period tornado" that floods my workdesk and papers my walls, and I haven't done the YSK scheduling I need to do with all my blog posts - including product reviews and advertorials! There's just so much to be done, I'm really relieved I decided not to apply for a summer job right now! I don't even have today to sort things out because I've got to go to campus in a few hours for the project with my journalism lecturer. And I want to play GodFinger! LOL! There are not enough hours in a day!

"A Life on Facebook."

2010-11-13T22:03:00.003+08:00

What a fascinating video!

And this video below, is just hilarious! :P

GodFinger - Give Everyone The Finger.

2010-11-11T02:40:00.000+08:00

Genius.

The Second Media Age

2010-11-09T19:00:00.001+08:00

The exam on Friday is so complicated. Maybe blogging a bit of it will help. I found these notes in the school webdrive:

This era of user-generated content and the applications that facilitate it (like Facebook, Wikipedia, YouTube, blogging) has been dubbed Web 2.0.
Web 1.0 is generally defined as the era in which the dominant activity was not producing your own content, but surfing for content produced by others.
Web 2.0 also relates to the role of convergence in freeing the internet and internet applications from the physical space of a computer terminal.

Web 2.0

Media Convergence

The gift of gift-giving.

2010-11-09T16:33:00.002+08:00

Presents! I love presents - giving them, receiving them, shopping for them, blogging about them! :D If there's anything that's even more fun than shopping for yourself, it's shopping for your beloved family and friends :)

Especially when you least expect it :D

Thank you so much to Nathalie for the birthday presents and card. You are seriously so sweet! And all the way from Penang! :D Love you too!

"Trying to squash a rumor is like trying to unring a bell." - Shana Alexander, American journalist

2010-11-07T16:39:00.002+08:00

Question: Would you rather be gossipped about, or never talked about at all?

On one hand, there are things worth talking about - like the absurdity of the school in Sarawak that caned a 10-year-old boy for bringing non-halal sausages in his fried rice for lunch.

On the other hand, to complain about me to a gossip site because you were dissatisfied with your advertising results? What good is that going to do, for you or for me? If you were to e-mail me directly, I would be able to do my best to remedy the situation - I've gone far further before to keep a customer happy, from extending advertisements to writing free ads. But if you prefer complaining anonymously to other people, what can I possibly do? I am not so much hurt as I am disappointed that I miss out on the challenge of giving you the best customer service I could think of.

And no, this isn't the first time I've been gossipped about - professionally or personally. Most of the time, the rumours are completely unfounded, but when it concerns a customer I would really like the opportunity to do right by my own principles.

What can I learn from this? This is the second time in two years that my advertisement spaces have been criticised by a past advertiser - both times on gossip blogs. I've restructured my advertisement plan three months ago and I know the only flaw left is the sidebar ad block. But I made it super duper affordable to compensate for the lower prominence. What more can I do? Perhaps this is an advertiser from a long time ago, from my less experienced and less carefully planned advertisement structure?

I wouldn't know because they never e-mailed me.

Birthdays.

2010-11-06T22:15:00.000+08:00

Does anyone have any idea how to solve this Level 4 puzzle? I've only gotten this far every time and can't get the last four white ROLOs to line up at the corner :P

It's dawning upon me now that I'll be 22 years old in exactly 24 days. I don't know whether to bummed or happy. On one hand, birthdays are the reason for getting presents. On the other hand, my mum is depressing me by saying 22 isn't young anymore and my skin is going to go to the dogs if I don't start slapping skincare goo all over. And that if I don't seriously lose weight like pronto, then all the extra poundage is gonna stick with me Forever. With that capital F.

Age is a sordid affair because it bears you down and forces you to lug around a sack full of responsibilities.

On the other other hand - are three hands allowed in such self-reflection? - 22 seems so young still! If I were turning 50 in 24 days, I would be saying something along the lines of "how I wish I were 22 again", right?

My worst fear is getting a quarter-life crisis at 25 like so many 25-year-olds before me. What do I hope to have accomplished at 25? A degree, perhaps a postgraduate degree, and a hook into a stable, fulfilling job?

But what if the world ends in 2012 and all that planning goes down the toilet, right? :P

FaceTime means something different now.

2010-11-05T22:05:00.004+08:00

I love my iPhone for so many reasons, but one of the biggest reasons is that it brings me closer to my best friend :) An Nie was not only the first person who called me on my new phone, but now she's got a fourth-generation iPod Touch and we can FaceTime, PingChat!, and Skype like anywhere! :D Incidentally today was also my first FaceTime experiment! :D Wheee!

While I haven't "seen" An in person in a couple of months because of both our crazy schedules, now I can "see" her thanks to a couple of Apple products and wi-fi! (My laptop doesn't have a webcam, so the FaceTime concept is very new to me, hehe.)

Another reason to love Apple is for apps like the IKEA catalogue - which I just discovered and am downloading excitedly now :D :D :D

In summary, if you're wondering whether or not to get an iPhone (4, but not necessarily 4), here are some pros in my personal opinion:

Keeping in touch with loved ones has never been easier. Truly. Especially with FaceTime.
Front-facing camera! Zomg!
The coolest apps imaginable - my favourite types are photography apps, social networking apps, language learning apps and games.
The visual display is so beautiful. The technology is just really stunning. How do they cram in so much awesomeness into a tiny thing?? It's a mini computer, basically.
It's great to stay plugged to the Internet - especially if your line of work involves online correspondence (like what I do with Your Shopping Kaki).
If you're constantly looking for new things to see, play, learn - you'll never be bored again as long as you have your iPhone with you. As Jenny says, "Once you go iPhone, you never go back." :P

And the cons:

It's expensive in countries like Malaysia. There are countless cheaper alternatives that serve the same purpose.
If you don't jailbreak your iPhone, you have to pay for some of the best apps out there. (I couldn't jailbreak mine because of some mystical technical issue. Lol.) If you jailbreak your phone, you void your warranty.
Fingerprints are magnetically attracted to the screen protector. So I have to keep a little pink dustcloth close to it at all times.
There's still plenty of room for improvement - e.g. no quick button to turn on the camera, Gmail on the iPhone doesn't have the best qualities of Gmail that we love.
The battery drains pretty fast because you'll do so much on the phone. I'd say it would last 2 days on minimal usage, lower brightness and turn off wi-fi. On normal days it lasts exactly one day, but half a day if you're playing games (read: Tap Tap Revenge 3).
There is a danger of spending more time on your phone than with the people you're spending time with.

Hope that helps! :)

Can you call me Ricky?

2010-11-05T01:37:00.002+08:00

Hands down the FUNNIEST videos I've watched ALL YEAR. David Beckham, Dennis Quaid and Ellen DeGeneres pranks!

P.S: This is also funny - How To Use an Elevator Without Stopping.

END.

2010-11-04T23:58:00.000+08:00

That's how we're supposed to end our news stories in journalism assignments. "END." To make it clear, in case it wasn't, that the story has indeed ended. Hahaha.

And so today marked the END of yet another journalism assignment - the sports news page I've been working on for the past three weeks. Phew! Despite my griping and hating on the unit at the beginning of the semester, I guess on hindsight I can look back gratefully at this forced opportunity. I learnt Adobe InDesign and so much stuff about sports that I could maybe infiltrate a sports bar without blowing my cover for five whole minutes. A sixth minute would require an advance course in sports reporting :P Bear in mind that I started from zero just three months ago.

Spot my assignment: it's the one with "NEWSPORT" as the banner :D Calyn (the girl pictured below)'s one is "SPORTS Central", next to mine!

The lack of parking spaces annoys me, but the learning aspect of every single subject and semester is one of the greatest things I love about Monash. :D

And I'm feeling sentimental because it was the LAST day of uni for many of my friends today! Yup, they graduate this year. Including Calyn, who I'm totally gonna miss so much :( But at the same time I'm so happy for them that they're graduating! :)

Stephanie Jacob, Irene, Calyn and I spent a good part of an hour at A&W after handing in assignments, just reminiscing about lecturers. LOL. There are no lecturers like Monash lecturers, let me assure you of that!

There's Mr Ang, our litigator-lecturer (litigator by day, lecturer by 5pm!) who perfected the art of answering questions without answering questions.

Students: Will the exam be easy or hard?

Mr Ang: It will be as easy as you can imagine it to be.

Students: How long should our answers be in the test?

Mr Ang: You will not have to write more than you need to write.

And then there's the all-time student-quoted favourite: "Don't worry, it's not hard. You either know it or you don't. It's like mathematics. Except this is law, so it's not mathematics."

And then there's Dr Sony, whom I'm going to be working with over the summer for at least one news piece - something like profile stories. Carpe diem and we'll see how that pans out, right? Hehe. Will definitely blog about it when the time comes!

In the meantime, the Second Media Age exam is on the 12th of November and I have to start studying for it tomorrow. HEHE. Calyn and I squeezed in some shopping time at the Zara warehouse sale in Atria this afternoon after school :P

My haul: Denim zip-up bustier and two embellished-shoulder khaki tees. Instant epaulettes! Wheeee. Calyn bought really really really awesome things too - six gorgeous pieces of clothing that would otherwise have cost a BOMB at Zara, including high-waisted shorts, three bodysuits, one of the embellished tees I bought (but one size smaller of course :P), and a vintage-inspired nude wrap dress. YUM. Go go go go see the Zara sale now! It ends this Sunday.

Happy Diwali!

Who would've guessed?

2010-11-03T23:58:00.000+08:00

Infants are fascinating beings. When babies are born, they are gurgling balls of cuteness and infinite possibilities. My infant acquaintance, Nikki, is to me quite an unpredictable and unfathomable subject of endless interest.

What is she like? What does she like? What will she be? What does she want to be? What will be she be like? What can anyone predict about infants aged zero to two? They're so adorkable and impossible to understand.

Who would've guessed that this child, me at age one or two, would ...

... be able to memorise effectively under pressure only when lifting weights and jumping around her bedroom?

... consider "hanging out with her best friends" to include activities such as spending an hour in Jung Ai's car experimenting with "Bump" and other iPhone-to-iPhone apps?

... grow up to wake up one day and discover her parents have hung angpows all over the front porch roof to chase away the bats?

... or find herself utterly addicted and in love with Tap Tap Revenge 3, to the point of seeing the world in red, blue and green rhythmic baubles when dreaming?

And I feel like a hobo because I didn't even have time to do anything today besides working on my sports journalism assignment. I'm seeing double.

I feel so grown up ...

2010-11-02T21:34:00.000+08:00

... I reckon I now have the authority to say, "Shush! The grown-ups are talking."

Behold - the power stemming from my very first carton of business cards! :D Technically, it's my first three cartons - because of a "buy 2 free 1" deal that was just too good to resist - so now I have 300 silky smooth art cards with my very own name on the back!

Mei helped me design the card on Adobe Illustrator (which I don't know how to use, yet) and Jimmy is now my "name card printing guy" :P It's hard to find responsible printers, so he's a real gem! He even came over to my house today to hand me the cards personally :D And RM50 for 300 cards is such a good deal! (His RM85 for 1000 cards package is an even better deal, but I didn't think I needed so many cards.)

And it's officially November, which is my birthday month! :D One year older, none the wiser :P Mum took me shopping today in 1U and bought me my birthday present - a silky smooth, deliciously long crossback jumpsuit from Miss Selfridge! :D :D :D I'm totally in love with it, the length is perfect for me in heels and it's so comfy. Plus we got a 20% discount because it's my birthday month! HEHEHE.

Sorry yah, can see the jamban in this picture :P My camera battery went flat so I had to use my cellphone - which I haven't perfected the skill of holding yet for mirror shots!

"Are you supposed to be Oprah Winfrey?"

2010-10-31T11:22:00.065+08:00

Happy Halloween! This year was my first Halloween celebration, ever! :D

At Switch dance/costume studio, costume-hunting with Maria!

Omg. Almost every costume you can think of. No superhero or Disney stuff though :P

Maria picked out a Kiera Knightley-esque pirate ensemble, while I gleefully rented a yellow feather boa!


Lots of people taking pics of costume-wearers - I have no idea where our photos are going to end up, but this one was taken by hotmagazine (took this off their Facebook :D)

Jessica Rabbit in sizzling red! Yowza!

Havana Club - some of the best costumes in Changkat Street halloween celebrations.

My yellow feather boa :D Only glitch was the trail of yellow chicken feathers I left all around Changkat street.

Maria and Haries in pirate costumes! (And doesn't Haries look like Adam Lambert?!)

'Are You Volkswagen Enough?' Street Party, Changkat Bukit Bintang

First stop was drinks at The Ceylon Bar, where I tried malibu pineapple and some cosmopolitan :D

Wheeeee! I wasn't actually wearing a costume, just the feather boa and false eyelashes - but Haries was like, "Wait, wait, let me guess! Are you supposed to be Oprah Winfrey?" so yeah. I was "Oprah" -_-" LOL.

Super delicious and ginormous serving of nachos (shared among 3 of us) for RM27 :)

Alamak, bumped into someone with the same costume! :P

The bar scene at a club called Twentyone

I found a bubble feature in Twentyone which makes for awesome photo filters :P

The awesomeness of my yellow feather boa!

The only problem about being so near to the DJ is partial temporary deafness for the rest of the night.

Leona Lewis!! Woohoo!

These ah guas were the focus of many many many photographs by passersby! :D

Leona Lewis! :D The Veronicas also played but I didn't get to see :(

The Volkswagen street party/concert :D Thank goodness it didn't rain la!

The most popular costume was actually scary masks :D

Ditto!

The Volturi!! OMG!!! :D :D :D

Jessica Rabbit, bloodied lady and catwoman?

The Princess and the frog! :D

Red Indians! :D

The UN Conference. LOL.

Halloween decor is so cool!

Lychee martini and long island iced tea.

The unbelievably talented Michael Jackson impersonator, Reizo Zen!

I spent like 20 minutes watching Reizo's impersonation vids on his iPhone, haha! SO AMAZED!

Havana club :)

Overall it was SO FUN but I am so tired! I feel like I'm half awake and half asleep, lol. I'm so glad Dr Sony granted a sudden blanket extension until Friday for the sports assignment. Between the Media Law exam yesterday morning and the all-night Halloween partying, I think I've had about a total of 7 hours sleep in the last 48 hours. Oh Sleep, I shall embrace thee~

So I screwed up.

2010-10-28T23:37:00.004+08:00

It was like a disaster movie that played out in an exam room on one desk - my desk.

The first final exam of the semester was today - Marketing 101 - and it really blows that I made Exam Error 101 too! I ran out of time.

There were 3 sections - Sections A, B and C. Section A is worth 40% of the exam and is this biggie essay question - you know it's going to be a combination of virtually every topic in the syllabus - and you're somehow supposed to work it all into a 4-6 page essay. Section B (20%) is a shorter essay, 2-4 pages on a research application question. Section C (40%) is made up of 4 short essay questions that test your knowledge about specific marketing concepts.

So I started off with the easiest one - Section C. Here, I made my first mistake when I spent too long on the first question. Which led to a domino effect in finishing the next 3 questions behind time as well. And at the last question in Section C, I couldn't recall a fourth concept I needed to finish my answer. I spent a minute - or two minutes - wracking my brain for it. But I was drawing blanks. I should've just let it go.

And I had wasted time. At that time, of course, I thought it was just a couple of minutes. Why should a couple of minutes matter in a two-hour exam, right?

"It's okay, don't worry," I thought to myself. "Make up for the time in Section B."

I basically had over an hour left to do Sections A and B. So I thought I was safe - no way I could run out of time. If the exam was set that way, it had to mean there was a reasonable amount of time for everything!

I did Section B in a little over 20 minutes - what I thought was "right on time". But I looked at the clock. It couldn't be - I had less than 40 minutes left to write Section A? The 4-6 page answer? Really?!

It was like a UFO came and stole 15 minutes of my life away. I'll probably wake up tomorrow morning being able to speak Martian. (Which will be something I would need to add to my resume after my GPA takes a hit with these Marketing grades.)

So I embarked, bravely as I could, on Section A. "Maybe I can write 4 pages in the time left. Maybe it's not so bad," I thought.

I thought wrong. With 15 minutes left, I was just starting the second part of the question. My hands were shaking so badly from the realisation that I wasn't going to be able to finish the paper. I didn't have a chance of making it! But maybe a minute is pretty long - there are 60 seconds in a minute, I had to be able to write enough words in 60 seconds!

10 minutes left. In the second part. 5 minutes left. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!
Two minutes left. It's okay, you can write the point forms! Come on!!! Come on, Sha-Lene!!!

"Please put your pens down."

HUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA :'( It's 2 minutes already?!?!

I couldn't even get the point forms down for the entire chunk about segmentation, targeting and positioning! I wrote "1 2 3 4 5 6 and 1 - identify bases for segmentation" and the invigilator was collecting papers! :( Literally all I wrote were the NUMBERS, for which the only number I'll get in return is ZERO.

Just as the expression on my face was probably white and shell-shocked, I saw a girl sitting across from me with her eyes and nose red and tears brimming at her eyes. And there was a boy sitting in front with his mouth wide open - I knew what he was thinking! "Time's up already??!?! OMG!"

And the exam is a hurdle requirement! Which means you need to pass the exam in order to pass the unit, even if your overall marks are a better grade! :(

But of course, of course, not everyone sucked so badly at time management. Dude on the left looked plenty relaxed. Dude on the right looked like he'd written enough to publish his own marketing textbook. One dude even left one hour before the exam ended!

At this point, I need a miracle to pass my Marketing exam. And it really bums me out, because I liked Marketing 101 so much! I adored the lecturer, tutor, and the subject material. I had all the answers in my head - I just couldn't get it down on to the paper :( It's just depressing. Even worse are the possible consequences of my actions - or lack of action.

Someday,

2010-10-26T02:42:00.003+08:00

I want to be this good at video editing! :D

Last week of uni this year.

2010-10-25T23:50:00.000+08:00

And now, exams begin!

Tatty! is the new Yay!

2010-10-19T23:13:00.005+08:00

I love Whatsapp, but sometimes it's just embarassing to chat with auto-corrections. Hahaha! And to press "Send" without checking what I typed first. "Corrections" have included:

Yay! = Tatty!
Msgs = Nags
Mwahs = Mesh
Grr = Gee
Jrn (Journalism) = Jen
There is umbrella to borrow = There us unbrallas to borrow

And the rave reviews were true - the iPhone 4 does take pretty darn good pictures! :) The front-facing camera isn't as clear as the "normal" camera, but it's still awesome. Hehe. iPhone pros Jung Ai and Jenny were "training" me on what they deem the proper way to use the camera. Thank goodness for them though, otherwise I couldn't even find the feature to change wallpapers. Lol!

A new sushi bar opened in the cafeteria today - and students were queueing for, like, an hour each! The sushi was quite tasty though, Ai bought me one after I stood in line with her for half an hour to queue for her sushi. :D

And we celebrated little Jenny's 21st birthday! :D In advance too, because November 4th is smack in the middle of her exams :( Shang and I bought her a JC white-and-gold wrap bracelet, a Pacman tank dress, and a geometric zipper bustier :D And Hammy wrote a card on recycled paper.

Overall a happily safe start for my new yellow friend :D Although I still get paranoid when other people are holding it. Heeee.

Yellow iPhone: birthday present from Daddy :)
Yellow pencil: loyal mechanical pencil since Form 4
Yellow Tetris ring: customized at The Brollies, but broken by Pos Laju :(
Will try to fix it!

P.S: I love talking to An Nie on loudspeaker at my work desk :) Yeah, I know, I'm so excited that I even took a photo of my very first verbal conversation on the new phone! :D

O come, all ye faithful.

2010-10-18T12:15:00.005+08:00

It's always hard to say goodbye to a faithful companion. Its comrades before it have fought long and hard battles - Ericsson the First encased in baby blue with that antique green-and-black screen, Sony Ericsson the First in a plum shade of purple and a toggle that gave in after five years of toil and toggle ... and Sony Ericsson the Second, my bundle of joy in metallic pink.

The things we've been through together since November 2008, my friend. You bore witness to my ecstatic text messages to friends and family about my first newspaper interview, received my first Monash exam results before anyone else, phone conversations with old friends, faraway friends, new friends, good friends, beloved family members; photographs that my camera never captured ... ups and downs that no other object, animated or non-animated, would know the complete picture of except for you.

Our parting is premature, but you will be going into the good hands of a new owner who will appreciate you. I promise I'll visit. :)

And I'll never forget you, my faithful friend - Sony Ericsson the Second, my bundle of joy in metallic pink.

Those Facebook things I just have to blog.

2010-10-13T02:49:00.000+08:00

Rocking the gleek.

2010-10-12T17:00:00.005+08:00

There's no world-class institution like a world-class institution with a dozen bazaars in every semester. :D

My gleek thrift today: Bling lens-less glasses from A Fashion Story! Leave a comment if you'd like to use that coupon code, hehe!

Eyebags schmyebags! These sleep-deprived eyes are a testament to my late nights toiling over my defamation law essay, among a gazillion other assignments. :D I wear them as proudly as any good gleek does!

And I dug out one of my dad's old uniforms from the wardrobe in the guest room, so now I'm going to use his epaulettes and badge instead of buying new ones! :D Although I'll still attempt to make my own, Mei said she's going to teach me - and I can blog about it! Yay!

Who takes the Lazy home?

2010-10-10T13:39:00.002+08:00

Why De is still at the "Methods & Metholodogies" of her Honours thesis and I'm 1800 words away from finishing a 2500-word essay due tomorrow night:

Denise: I am so lazy, I don't even want to walk out to go get my dinner.
Me: I am so lazy that sometimes I just eat cold food instead of heating it up first.
Denise: I am so lazy, I'd even just go get a carrot to munch on. But I have no carrots.
Me: I am so lazy, when I was in London I was so lazy to wash knives and plates that I just ripped the bread and stuffed ham inside so I wouldn't have to wash anything except my hands!
Denise: Hahaha. I do that all the time. lol. that's normal sha. Once i was lazy to bring out the washing board. Tried cutting the fruit on my hand. Dumbest idea ever.
Me: Hahahahahahahahhaha. That's a good one!
Denise: Yay i win? lol

Hopefully everyone else is just as lazy as we are :P Although I was up until 4 a.m. finishing a Marketing assignment, and spent 3 hours yesterday evening interviewing my profile athlete for sports journalism ... leaving my law essay to work on today :(

He made law funny.

2010-10-09T23:55:00.000+08:00

At Chic Pop when I was speaking to an old friend from law seminars, I found out that my favourite law tutor in the world, Mr Ananth, passed away from a heart attack :( And I never found out because the last time I spoke to him was in my first year at Monash, when I was interviewing him for a feature story I was writing about matured students. The educational world has suffered another great loss. He was joyous and charming, patient and kind beyond words! :(

When I was at that really low point in my life in 2008 when I knew law school was overwhelming me, he was the only teacher I could turn to - the only teacher I knew would understand. When I was struggling desperately to keep from losing my mind two weeks before my second year finals, he was there for me when I broke down and cried. He tutored me when I was hopeless. When I decided to quit law school, he tried to persuade me to stay in the law track by switching to University of London's distance learning program. He said he would teach me, help me back up - he gave me hope when no other teacher could even begin to understand the turmoil in my mind.

Mr Ananth taught me more than just how to understand land statutes and constitutional debates, he introduced me to a whole world of diverse students and friends. He taught me how to behave in interviews and, over weekly teh tarik, gave me glimpses into what the real world was like - and what I could do to score jobs or positions I sought. He made us all laugh until tears streamed down our cheeks, he made law funny and fun and classes something to look forward to. I may have discovered his law classes a little too late, but he inspired us - me - powerfully enough to last a lifetime.

I'll never forget Mr Ananth ... one of the greatest educators I will ever have the honour and pleasure of knowing. With the loss of Mr Benjamin, and now the belated-loss of Mr Ananth ... I think I should definitely appreciate my favourite teachers more - especially the ones that truly inspire me.

*Read more about Mr Ananth here, in his daughter's blog entry.