Epiphany.

So I've been experiencing - but still tolerating - a high level of stress because of my unwritten thesis. It's not that I haven't been doing work all year round, I have, I just have had different work to do and kinda crappy time management. So after TOEFL, I've been reading for my thesis, and trying to make sense of things, and trying to figure out how I would apply any of what I'm reading into my thesis... and if I was even reading the right things. But most of all, I didn't have that big-picture argument to frame my entire thesis in a semi-original way.

So yeah... I've been experiencing what every first-time thesis writer experiences... the kind of dissertation that makes you want to binge eat on disserts (couldn't resist the pun, lol).

So today, while a permanent crinkle was probably developing on my forehead because I was just thinking, thinking, about my thesis all the time (well, not all the time, but you know what I mean hehe), I had an epiphany.

Ahhhh... the moment I had been waiting for, since the day I formed my research topic... asking my brain to formulate the one main argument to underpin my whole thesis. For the longest time, I didn't even have a research question... all I knew was that I wanted to write about young Malaysian female personal bloggers. After about 2 months of discussions with my supervisor, I had a research question. Then, after all my fieldwork and until earlier today, I couldn't figure my "answer" to my research question.

Then it finally hit me. I won't say what it is here (and I haven't written it down anyway), but if I write a paper that's good enough, maybe with some fine-tuning it could maybe just maybe get published someday. Finally, I have my original argument, even though it's actually more like a pseudo-original thought branched out from someone else's cool theory about personal bloggers... but still, a somewhat fresh perspective.

While I wish I had this epiphany 6 months ago and not today (5 weeks before the thesis deadline), at least I have it now and not like... 2 weeks before the deadline. :) Unfortunately, I have my last unit assignment due 19th October, so I have to write that first before I get to dig my eager hands into my thesis (with my delicious new argument).

So yeah, my plan is to finish that assignment before Sunday, and then devote the next 4 weeks to writing and editing my thesis. I'm so behind on that "ideal" timeline of work, but I think given that I had to take two standardized exams on top of my coursework, I'm not going to beat myself up over what I've accomplished/haven't accomplished yet. What's gotta be done, just has to be done! Rawr.

P.S: My little hamster Kayaball is growing bigger and heavier, fast! There must be something about the air in my room that makes living creatures expand in size... xD