Saturday, 3 August 2013

172 hours.

That's how much time I have left before I hop on a plane and move to the other side of the world. Emotions I'm feeling: anxious, excited, nervous, thrilled, scared, brave... I don't know.

I don't know how much I'll miss home. I've had two homes in Malaysia, one down the street and one where my family lives now. My parents love this neighborhood so much, we moved across the street when it was time to move into a newer house.

What will I miss about Malaysia? The people I care about. I guess that's really it. And there's always Skype, Facebook, and Whatsapp, so it's not like I have to stop speaking to anyone just because I'm moving away. Thank you, technological advancement. But there's no denying I'm at least a little frightened that I won't have friends there. I mean, I have a seemingly endless number of friends here - friends who are there for me through celebrations and meltdowns and heartache and panic attacks, friends who are like brothers and sisters I never had. As silly as this sounds coming from someone who's supposed to be starting her Masters degree in Strategic Public Relations... what if I don't make any real friends at USC? What if everyone sees me as a weird Asian person who's terrible at math and ate too many burgers?

Sprout says I'm worrying for nothing - that knowing me, I'll be friends with the entire school before the end of the first week of classes. I think he thinks too highly of me, and he doesn't see that I'm actually just a weirdo who doesn't even try hiding how weird she is. And then sometimes, when I feel like I'm strong enough to just be myself and be nice to people, and surely I'll make at least a couple of friends, I start worrying about whether or not I'll do okay in my studies. Yeah, the actual academic nitty gritty of a postgrad degree in something I've never studied before - it isn't an option not to do well, especially after all the money my family is forking out to send me there to study. And then when I feel like I'll be okay, I just have to work hard and stay focused, I start worrying about whether I have enough money to feed myself with and get around LA with, and if there'll be any money left over for travelling/entertainment/shopping. The fortune teller at Central Market says I'm a born worrier, I don't think it's too hard to agree with him since I've been worrying about anything and everything my whole life. Haha :(

These days, I'm in the process of seeing my good friends for the last time in a while, and packing my life away into two suitcases. I think I'm packing too many clothes, and that I'll probably shop in the U.S. - but I don't know, what if the cost of living in Los Angeles is so expensive that I end up not shopping at all? As unlikely as it seems, I feel like I have to be prepared for all possibilities - and that includes packing half of my wardrobe into my luggage. Travelling light has never been my strong suit. :/