Time.

If I had more free time and less work to do, I would do more of the things I love instead of things that just need to be done.

I would sketch cartoons in my sketchbook and color them in with Sharpies.

I would learn to play the ukulele and guitar, but I understand now that I don't have that kind of luxury of time in grad school. I had Darren take my ukulele to Austin with him when he left LA in early September. His dad gave us a gorgeous guitar that I really want to learn how to play, but I wonder if I will have more or less time when I graduate and get a job.



I would vlog more regularly. I haven't made a single video since the Fall semester began. I would make videos and teach myself to edit better, learning more styles and techniques through YouTube.

I would write more, both poetry and blogging. I'm a member of The Writer's Tower and I haven't contributed in months. When I was younger I always wanted to write a book someday, and be a published author, but I've since given up that dream because I know I don't have the time or discipline... especially when what I do every week is write several essays and reports for school and work.

I would learn Spanish. It's such a useful language to know in Texas. It bums me out that I can only say a few phrases.

I would do volunteer work once a week. Being in LA, in this temporary situation, without a car, is difficult for this. Most people volunteer on weekends -- I spend my weekends cooped up in my apartment doing homework, because it's the only time I have to get the bulk of my assignments done. I want to be able to do something more with my life than only help myself, and I really hope that when I graduate I will be able to take a few hours a week to incorporate volunteer work in my lifestyle.

I would spend more time with my friends. I really don't spend much time with my friends, not this semester anyway: we all have classes, internships, jobs, relationships and a crap ton of homework -- and sometimes I'm honestly just too lazy to add one more thing to do my to-do list to schedule time to meet up with a friend I haven't seen in a while. I would try to be a better friend.

I won't say that I would spend more time with my family because they are the only ones I proactively take time to spend with everyday -- my parents and my fiance. I guess my mom always taught me that no matter what happens in life, the only people who will always be by your side are your family.

"Friends come and go through different stages in life," she told me. 

I think it was when I was a teenager, crying because someone had decided to stop being my friend. Back then, I cared way too much about being liked. Now I really don't care, because I can't control what other people want to think or say about me, they don't matter anyway - and I have way more important things to do.

So I wanna say that I have my priorities in layers:

1. My family: my parents and my partner. They'll always be my number ones. 
2. My responsibilities: School, work, TriSight. I take pride in being reliable.
3. My friends. Is it bad that this is number 3? I don't know. Some people have friends as number 1. But this is my reality anyway: I try my best to make time for my best friends, especially if they need me right now, and then friends who have proven themselves as people I should really appreciate; and then just people I know because our paths have crossed at this point in time. 

I've lost a lot of friends in the past 20 plus years. A few of them passed away too young, but most of them I lost through the passage of time and decisions that separated us. Which makes me wonder if life is too short not to be doing the things I love.

But the things I love don't pay the bills or get me through my classes. Conundrums. Maybe, despite how organized and responsible I am, I'm just bad at time management.