Limbo.

I feel like I'm stuck in some kind of limbo - where I'm exhausted but I always have a To-Do List in my head; where I'm either extremely sleepy or sleeping too much; and I've got two assignments due tomorrow - one a 2,500-word Malaysian Cinema essay, the other a 5-minute documentary for broadcast journalism.

Finished the essay by 6pm after pulling out all stops for 7 days on it, but the documentary is Not Done Yet. And I guess that's where the crazy limbo is. I've never had an assignment due that day and not be able to finish it at least the night before its deadline. The tragic thing is that I can't finish this one, because it's a group project and the file is with Jin Hackman. (Because he's my groupmate, not because he's a rapper. LOL.)

So, tomorrow - with the documentary and its script due at 5pm - we have to:
1) Render the file
2) Edit the written script of it
3) Burn the file into a DVD
4) Print the script
5) Submit the DVD and the script
6) Upload the video on YouTube

I also have to watch like four new films for my Media Texts exam. And then on Tuesday, I'll have to deal with another group project for Malaysian Cinema (no, the Durian project is not over!) plus go for Media, Culture, Power revision class.

Amidst the hectic chaos (what uneconomical use of language) of today, Daddy asked me how I want to celebrate my birthday this year. I said I didn't want to. And he's like, "Why? It's your 21st birthday. What's wrong?"

There's the other limbo - what's wrong with me? Why do I dread celebrating my birthday? It was so fun when I was young[er] - a child that no-one could find fault with - but now that I'm older (read: 21), I don't like birthday parties that celebrate me anymore. So stressful lah. If my birthday is really my day, I just want to relax and go for lunch with Mum and Dad (and not at TGIF's because they make me hold the stupid ketchup bottle and make a stupid speech), and then go home and watch a funny movie or read a funny book. And eat a cake! A whole cake! :D

The last thing I want is for a whole bunch of nosey relatives gatecrashing the privacy and peacefulness of my home! :( Aaaargh. I will like NEVER forget how bitchy they were at my 18th birthday party. They're so judgemental.

No, I am not being overly self-conscious. My relatives are like your relatives. They just judge you - from head to toe, every hair out of place, every pimple on your face. Every success, every failure, every "Why did you quit law school?" to "So do you have a boyfriend?" and "So, are you on a diet?"

21st birthday? Like "Hellooooo, Expectations!"

And I don't need to celebrate my birthday with my friends on my birthday either - and definitely not with a party - more like popcorn and a movie with my closest friends. When I was younger it was more about a bunch of people I barely said "Hi" to in the hallways... but now it's about the people I love and who are most important to me. :)

So does that mean there's something wrong with me?