The little train that could VS. the damsel in distress.

Mulling over scattered thoughts in my head still hasn't shown any light on that Hallelujah! moment I seek. You know, that Hallelujah! moment of clarity where you know what you're going to do and how you're going to do it. In this case, I'm still pursuing the Hallelujah! for my Honours dissertation topic. For now, however, Dr Yeoh said I can just hand in what I've written - and we'll work it out later. I figure, when I get my access to the journal databases cleared, I'll be able to look up more academic literature on the subject of the blogosphere; and do a re-discovery of what I can work with.

So in the meantime before Honours term starts, I'm occupying myself making a little Microsoft Word document listing the important admissions information about the grad schools I'm eyeing, like what kind of requirements I need to meet and if their Masters degrees leave that door open for a PhD someday (something which only just occurred to me to double-check... and now I realise I've got to ask them clearly!). I kinda feel like, the more I look, the more questions I have, even if I'm reading the same webpage that I thought I read and understood before - but now I see things which I am unclear about - which makes me feel a little bit more stressed each time, but at least if I find out now - it's better than finding out too late. I mean, there's even the possibility that the Masters degree at my prima facie "dream grad school" Boston University may be a terminal one - which I'm waiting for their email replies to find out. The only way I can talk myself out of worry is to say... Better find out now than later, even if it's bad news.

It's hard not to feel those fleeting moments of regret, knowing that if I had started all this research after I finished my final exams over 6 months ago, I would be better prepared now. But my constantly torturing myself over "what ifs" - probably the worst flaw in my personality - is unhealthy, so I have to consciously push it out of my head. And look ahead, stay positive, stay strong.

After looking at just a few websites today my mind feels saturated already, and I'm struggling to fight that feeling of being overwhelmed. I guess sometimes stress in life is necessary. So I'm going to be spending the rest of the week doing this and perhaps looking up some more information about the GRE, in between some episodes of Love Bites and conversations with people I love. :)

Blogging on a daily basis, at least, is helping me keep my sanity. Words give a sort of tangible perspective, like a way to reason with myself to keep my head in the game, and my eyes on the prize. Blogging, I guess, is oddly comforting to me. Which is why I really do want to write my Honours dissertation about blogging - that one constant that's been a part of my life since I was 13 - but let's set aside the harrowing thought of "Coming Up With A Do-able Topic For My Honours Dissertation" for now, lest I overwhelm myself again!

Weiling showed me Charlie Chaplin's speech from The Great Dictator today, and I thought I'd share it here. :) My favourite passage is:

In the 17th Chapter of St Luke it is written: “the Kingdom of God is within man” – not one man nor a group of men, but in all men! In you! You, the people have the power – the power to create machines. The power to create happiness! You, the people, have the power to make this life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure.

And here's to spreading a little love everyday - check out the wedding video of two cool people I know from the bazaar scene. Some of you might recognise the bride as Lynda from Pink Tattoos! :)


Sukeats + Lynda from faz adhili on Vimeo.

And, um, because Weiling and I got started on these wedding videos, she showed me a whole website full of 'em - hahaha yes, girls really wanna get married! - and this is her favourite video, which I think is so beautiful. :)


Kevin + Erika Cinematic Portraiture Same day Edit Slideshow | "Property of Erika" from Paper Cranes Productions on Vimeo.